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5 Ways We Sabotage Our Happiness

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1. We Put Our Happiness in Other People’s Hands

Happiness is OUR job. We can’t rely on anyone to “make” us happy. That is impossible! Only WE can do that. We can be with the “perfect” partner, but if we don’t feel good about ourselves, we will blame them for our unhappiness. When we put our happiness in other people’s hands, we place unrealistic expectations on them. We are so focused on expecting them to be who we want them to be that we cannot accept who they are. In fact, we stop seeing who they are. If we want to be happy, we have to look at the people in our lives through an untainted lens and ask ourselves:

  • Is this a person I want in my life?
  • What do I respect about the person?
  • What do I love about this person?
  • What does he/she contribute to my life?

Happiness is a choice. If we can separate our baggage from another person’s baggage, we can see that their choices do not have to affect our happiness. We don’t HAVE to jump into someone else’s chaos.

Another way we put happiness in other people’s hands is by who we choose to talk to when we are struggling. Are we choosing a person who is going to feed the drama or show us our accountability for our own feelings and actions? Is the person going to listen to us blaming someone else over and over or are they going to stir thoughts in us such as:

  • What am I doing to take care of me?
  • How can I make the situation better?
  • How does thinking this way make me feel?
  • Why am I choosing to be triggered by this?
  • Is this where I want to be?
  • What am I doing about it?

Instead of telling us what we want to hear, empowering friends will encourage us to look at the person in the mirror. They help us to start focusing on the one person we can change.

2. We Give Ourselves Away

Constantly giving ourselves away without considering our well-being is NOT healthy. When we are giving to others from a healthy place, we are energized, loving, and satisfied. Giving with an expectation of something in return is a red flag that we are depleting ourselves and therefore we need to refill the well. Sometimes it means we should say “no” to one of their requests, or what we are doing for them they need to be doing for themselves. If we feel exhausted, used, and unappreciated, we are draining ourselves of our happiness.

Even when we feel that our intentions are pure, we can’t assume that we know the right actions other people should take and then do it for them. That is THEIR journey.

If giving to others does not fill us with joy, we need to look at:

  • Am I taking care of my own needs?
  • Am I doing for others what they are choosing not to do for themselves?
  • Am I focusing on them to avoid taking care of me?
  • Why am I putting someone else’s value above my own?
  • How can I put more value on me?

3. We Focus on Other People’s Lives

If we are comparing our happiness to those in the tabloids and the people around us, we are not focusing on our own lives—both the good and the areas that need improving. Who is looking after us? If we are busy figuring out what makes everyone in our lives happy, how do we know what makes us happy? We should ask ourselves.

  • What inspires me?
  • What feeds my soul?
  • What brings out my passion?
  • What gives me energy to give from a loving place?

Some people want marriage; others don’t. Some people like big families; others want to keep it small. Some people like adventure; others prefer to keep it safe. Some of us are religious, while others believe in a different spiritual path. It is imperative that you start painting a picture of what happiness looks like for YOU. Your life is more important than all the other people’s lives that you are focusing on!

4. We Think We Don’t Deserve Better

Guilt and shame are ready to sabotage our happiness the second we give them the power to do so. We subconsciously set limits to our happiness by only allowing ourselves as much as we think we deserve. If it goes over that set amount, we sabotage it. We may stir up drama, verbally or physically self-abuse, abuse others, blame, fight, or spread anger, fear, and hate. If we frequently fall into self-sabotaging behaviors, we need to explore:

  • Why do I feel unworthy of love and/or happiness?
  • Do I feel like I am enough the way that I am? If the answer is no, why?
  • What am I not forgiving myself for?
  • What am I holding onto that is keeping me down?
  • Why am I stirring up dis-ease?

How do we break this cycle? We should talk to ourselves with love and respect. Have a love affair with ourselves. Spend the time on us that we would normally invest in someone else. Upping our happiness “ceiling” starts with forgiving ourselves for not being perfect; none of us are. We all make plenty of mistakes and have ample opportunities to learn. Our struggles are the foundation of becoming spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically better. If we want happiness, we must embrace who we are.

5. We Live in the Past and the Future

The past gives us an opportunity to learn and grow. Our future is a chance to practice what we have learned. Other than those two things, they tend to cause stress and pain. Living in either place only distracts us from the present moment. We miss the beauty of nature, the sweet look in a child’s eyes, the love of our families, and the miracles of everyday life. Happiness comes from appreciating the moment. Even in the darkest times, there is a light in the present, but we will miss it if we are not there.

  • What did I learn from the situation I’m dwelling on?
  • How can I apply the lesson today?
  • What would I like my behavior, response, or action to look like in the future?
  • How can I let it go and be in today?

If we want to stop sabotaging our happiness, the first step is to become aware of when we are doing it. Then we can accept our responsibility for our behavior and at the same time forgive ourselves. We then have the power to take action and change it. This is a process; it will not happen quickly. Congratulate yourself with each step. You will learn a little more with every victory. It’s time to start the journey and embrace your happiness!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

 

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How Neurobics Can improve Your Memory

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When you are trying to improve your overall well-being, it is just as important to focus on your mental fitness as well as your physical fitness. Most people have heard of aerobics. Aerobic exercise is a great way to boost your heart rate and burn a few extra calories while improving your heart health. But, have you ever heard of Neurobics? Neurobics is the science behind brain exercise.

Yes, you can exercise your mind and keep it just as fit as your body. But, it is not like your brain is going to do any jumping jacks or jogging any time soon, right? So, what can you do to keep it fit, and how does exercising your brain actually improve your memory?

Let’s dive a little deeper into how Neurobics actually works, and a few exercises you can try to boost your memory and overall brain health.

What Is Neurobics?

When you break Neurobics down, it stands for neurons + aerobics. Neurobic exercises increase the level of oxygen in your brain and “breathe life” into the neurons.

When those neurons are stronger and more stimulated, it improves your brain health – especially your memory. A good way to visualize how Neurobics actually helps is by picturing a piece of glass being blown into a decorative item. The glass maker has to stretch the piece when it is warm and malleable. But, once it is stretched out, it doesn’t spring back to where was before. It stays permanently in place.

Neurobics work the same way. By taking part in an activity or experience that taxes your brain, you are “stretching” the neurons. Once they are stretched, they don’t return to the shape that they were in before. 

That is the point of Neurobics – to challenge your mind in different ways so that it gets stronger. If you are working out your body, doing the exact same exercise the same way each day, it would eventually cause your results to plateau. You have to switch things up to “confuse” your muscles and get them stronger. Working out your brain is just the same. With that in mind, let’s cover a few easy Neurobics exercises that you can start doing right away.

Change Your Habits

One of the easiest (and yet, most challenging) ways to get started with Neurobics is to step out of your daily comfort zone. Some habits can already be detrimental to your memory, and cutting them out of your life will make a difference.

When you stop old habits, you are actually using Neurobics to challenge your brain into different thinking patterns. Some ideas to consider include:

  • Giving up (or at least cutting down) on television
  • Quitting smoking/drinking alcohol
  • Changing your eating habits
  • Exercising more

When you stop doing some of the things that you have grown comfortable with, you require your brain to stretch, adapt and change. As a result, you will start thinking clearer, become more focused, and remember more things.

 

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Do Something Different 

Some Neurobic exercises are things that you can do in just a few minutes each day – the equivalent of doing 50 jumping jacks in a five-minute work break. Things like solving a crossword puzzle, writing in a journal or giving yourself a High Five in a mirror can all fire up the neurons in your brain. Even yoga and/or meditation can force you to push away the “cluttered” thoughts that are in your head and require you to focus on one particular thing.

 

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Neurobic Experiences 

The places you go and the experiences that you jump into can be considered as Neurobic activities. Anything that challenges your mind and causes you to think differently about something is a great way to stretch your brain.

These could include going to a museum, a zoo, a musical performance, or even different cultural festivals. Allowing yourself to be open to new ideas and experiences is one of the best ways to exercise your brain and improve your memory.

 

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Long-Lasting Benefits 

Mark Twain said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones that you did do.”

While one of the biggest benefits of Neurobics is improved memory, it is certainly not the only “perk” to this type of mental exercising. Neurobics can also help you to face your fears, live without regrets, and experience a fuller, more meaningful life.

They can give you the courage to take more chances and experience the rewards. They can turn you into a better leader. Most importantly, Neurobics can inspire you by changing the way you see the world around you.

If you are already passionate about your physical health, it could be time to start thinking about your mental fitness, too! Whether you want to improve your memory as you get older or just want to keep your mind as sharp as possible now, trying Neurobics is a great way to “stay in great mental shape”.

Use some of the exercises listed here to get started. You might be surprised by just how quickly your focus and memory will start to improve.

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8 Great Ways To Reward Your Employees

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Employee engagement is more than a current trend – it is something that more businesses across the globe are starting to value for plenty of good reasons. When employees feel happy and appreciated, they are more likely to be productive and loyal to your company.

While basic benefits packages are still important, it is now more important than ever to go above and beyond for the people working for you. Not only can great rewards help you to hire the best talent, but they will also make your business environment a positive one where people will actually enjoy coming to work and do their best.

The great part about rewarding your employees is that you can let your creativity shine. Think about practical, functional rewards that your employees will actually use and appreciate. Then, don’t be afraid to have some fun with your ideas.

Feeling stuck? Not sure where to get started? Let’s cover some great ways to reward your employees.

1. Make Your Gratitude Public 

Sometimes, the simplest gestures can make the biggest difference. If you really want your employees to feel good, make sure everyone knows how much you appreciate their hard work and dedication.

So, thank them publicly. The next time you have a company meeting or public event, carve out some time to thank people individually. Giving them a few moments of attention in a public setting is a great way to show them how much that you appreciate them. After all, who doesn’t like to be complimented?

 

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2. Give Time Off 

A reward doesn’t have to be something tangible to be valuable. If your employees have been working hard, reward them with some extra time off. It could be a long weekend, a surprise vacation, or even just an afternoon off on a random Tuesday.

If you do decide to reward them with some free time, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate the work that they have been doing. That appreciation, along with getting a break from work, can help them to feel more motivated and productive when they return.

3. The Little Things Count 

You don’t need to go overboard with flashy, expensive rewards. Sometimes, it’s the little things that mean the most. Plus, you will be able to give them more frequently.

Hand out things like gift cards to local coffee shops or movie theaters, or give them something practical like a travel mug or ergonomic desk chair. Small gestures can really mean a lot and your employees will remember and appreciate the gesture.

 

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4. Build Community Through Food 

Everyone has to eat, but not everyone likes spending money on their lunch or bringing a regular sandwich from home.

One of the easiest ways to reward your employees is to have lunch catered in as often as possible. Not only does it show them how much you appreciate their work, but when everyone eats lunch together, it will build a more positive work environment. Your business benefits all around.

You can take things one step further by making your catered lunches a scheduled event, whether you do it once a week, once a month, etc. It gives people something to look forward to and serves as a constant reminder of your appreciation.

5. Subscription Services 

Subscription services have become more popular than ever in recent years. They really grew during the pandemic, when most people started spending more time at home.

Consider signing your employees up for a subscription service you think they would enjoy. Perhaps give them a list of magazines that they can choose from and give them a years subscription for a job well done.

6. Schedule Company-wide Activities 

Host company parties, picnics, and other fun events as often as possible. Everyone deserves to have fun after working hard, and it is another great opportunity for your employees to get closer, a build a better bond. Company activities can also help to prevent burnout in the workplace.

Make sure to include certain events that can include employees’ family members so everyone can join in the fun and your workers don’t have to be away from their loved ones. Family picnics, movie nights, bowling tournaments, or even a catered dinner are all great ways to make sure everyone is involved.

 

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7. Extra Responsibility 

While more responsibilities might not seem like a “reward” at first, it is how you present it to an employee that makes a difference.

When you sit down to talk to an employee about increasing their responsibilities, make sure they know why. Talk about how much you trust them and their ability to make decisions on their own. Let them know their value as a part of the company, and you take their career goals as seriously as they do.

8. Give Them A High Five

Giving someone a high five should not be confined just to sports. You have probably seen the viral videos of a teacher giving their students a high five as they enter the classroom. You can feel the positivity, genuine excitement and the wonderful energy from these videos. Research has shown that the biggest difference in whether or not someone will enjoy their job and be more productive, is not the amount of vacation time or their salary package. It is when someone has a manager who cares, appreciates and trusts them and makes them feel that they matter. The next time someone hits a target, makes a sale or gives great customer service why not give them a well deserved high five and see how it makes them feel.

 

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While your employees might not regularly expect rewards, that is half the fun of giving them. Boosting morale, no matter how big or small your business might be, will make a big difference in how productive your workers are. It will shape the environment of your entire company, and the best part? It doesn’t take a lot of time or money to reward people for a job well done. Get creative, get personal, and find unique ways to show your employees how much you appreciate them.

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Are You Working For A Tyrant Boss? (And what you can do about it)

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Multiple studies have indicated that a large percentage of people are unhappy with their jobs. Research carried out by Microsoft in 2021, showed that 41% of the workforce are considering leaving their employer. Sometimes, this dissatisfaction comes from working long hours. Other times, it is about not making enough money.

On occasion, however, the source of unhappiness is the person that you work for. Working for a tyrant boss is draining and stressful. It can have a negative impact on nearly every area of your life, because the stress that it causes makes it hard to “let go” of your workday even when you are at home.

So, how do you know if you are working for a tyrant boss? And if you are, what can you do about it?

A Boss That Is Never Wrong

You have heard of the phrase “the customer is always right,” but do you work for someone who never seems to think that you are ever right?

A tyrant in the workplace is often a dictator. This means that they don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion or ideas, and if they do, they are instantly shut down. A tyrant boss can “never be wrong,” and they have the final authority on everything.

Unfortunately, they are often the ones who will suffer in the end. No one is perfect, no matter how much your boss thinks that they are. If they do not take other people’s input into consideration, they are going to burn out and end up making poor choices, which will impact the business in the long run.

Help people reach their full potential, catch them doing something right. Ken Blanchard

They Expect Carbon Copies Of Themselves

Does your boss seem to gravitate toward employees who are just like them?

Narcissistic people tend to be kinder to those who have the same characteristics. The problem with that? It takes a diverse group of people with different skill sets to make a great team.

If your boss favors people just like them and expects everyone to conform to certain unreasonable expectations, you should see this as a huge red flag.

Additionally, pay attention to how your boss’ personality changes around certain people. If they tend to play favorites, it might be another sign that they are running a tyrannical operation. Everyone in a business should be treated equally. Favoritism doesn’t belong in a professional setting.

Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is a success. Henry Ford

They Don’t Respect Your Work-Life Balance

Work-life balance has become an important topic of conversation over the last year. With more people working remotely, it has been harder for some to strike a healthy balance between their work life and their home life.

While, in many cases, you can find ways to manage this balance, some bosses simply won’t allow it.

For example, does your boss frequently call you on your day off? Do they email you or message you after working hours, or first thing in the morning?

If your boss cannot respect that you have a life and that you deserve some free time, they are running their business like a dictatorship. Good employers know how important it is for their employees to have free time, whether it is for self-care or socialization. When a worker constantly feels like they are “on the clock,” they are more likely to get burnt out quickly, and their performance will suffer.

They Are Master Micro-Managers

Does your boss lurk over you more often than not? Do you find it hard to get anything done in a day because they are micromanaging everything that you do?

Micro-managers want a play-by-play of everything that you are doing throughout the day. They will try to take charge of your projects and overlook everything so you can’t be as productive as you could be.

You can work to diffuse a micro-managing boss by giving them more information than they ask for. Beat them at their own game by giving them detailed information about what you are working on. If they feel like they are not able to be “on top” of you anymore, they will likely give up and let you work in peace.

Great things in business are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people. Steve Jobs

They Want All Of The Credit

Typically, when a business sees any kind of success, it is a good sign of a strong, dynamic team. One person cannot hold up an entire company on their own.

But, if your boss tends to take the credit for everything and loves being in the spotlight, it can often feel like your efforts are unnoticed and unappreciated. There are children’s books about people doing all the work and someone else taking all of the credit. Some adults just never seem to learn the “moral of the story”.

What Can You Do About It?

So, what can you do if you are working for a tyrant boss? Aside from resigning, which is sometimes the only option, there are a few ways that you can manage things on a daily basis.

First, try not to let your boss’ behavior affect you. Yes, they can be frustrating. They will get to you, at times. It is important for you to take the high road and be the bigger person. No matter where you work, everything that you do is a reflection of who you are – your personal brand. Don’t give in to your frustrations, and don’t fuel your boss’ attitude by snapping back at them. If you do, chances are, their behaviors will become even more exaggerated.

Your overall well-being should be your top priority. If you don’t see any signs of a changing environment, you don’t need to stay in a toxic workplace. Understand some of these signs, and trust your gut when it comes to how you should respond. Many of us have had bad experiences with tyrant bosses in the past, I know I have. In my experience, tyrant bosses very rarely change. They have either moved on or I have.

Life is too short to be stressed out by your boss. Thankfully there are plenty of great bosses out there too who will respect and value you and they are a real joy to work with.

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