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5 Ways We Sabotage Our Happiness

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5 Ways We Sabotage Our Happiness

 

1. We Put Our Happiness in Other People’s Hands

Happiness is OUR job. We can’t rely on anyone to “make” us happy. That is impossible! Only WE can do that. We can be with the “perfect” partner, but if we don’t feel good about ourselves, we will blame them for our unhappiness. When we put our happiness in other people’s hands, we place unrealistic expectations on them. We are so focused on expecting them to be who we want them to be that we cannot accept who they are. In fact, we stop seeing who they are. If we want to be happy, we have to look at the people in our lives through an untainted lens and ask ourselves:

  • Is this a person I want in my life?
  • What do I respect about the person?
  • What do I love about this person?
  • What does he/she contribute to my life?

Happiness is a choice. If we can separate our baggage from another person’s baggage, we can see that their choices do not have to affect our happiness. We don’t HAVE to jump into someone else’s chaos.

Another way we put happiness in other people’s hands is by who we choose to talk to when we are struggling. Are we choosing a person who is going to feed the drama or show us our accountability for our own feelings and actions? Is the person going to listen to us blaming someone else over and over or are they going to stir thoughts in us such as:

  • What am I doing to take care of me?
  • How can I make the situation better?
  • How does thinking this way make me feel?
  • Why am I choosing to be triggered by this?
  • Is this where I want to be?
  • What am I doing about it?

Instead of telling us what we want to hear, empowering friends will encourage us to look at the person in the mirror. They help us to start focusing on the one person we can change.

2. We Give Ourselves Away

Constantly giving ourselves away without considering our well-being is NOT healthy. When we are giving to others from a healthy place, we are energized, loving, and satisfied. Giving with an expectation of something in return is a red flag that we are depleting ourselves and therefore we need to refill the well. Sometimes it means we should say “no” to one of their requests, or what we are doing for them they need to be doing for themselves. If we feel exhausted, used, and unappreciated, we are draining ourselves of our happiness.

Even when we feel that our intentions are pure, we can’t assume that we know the right actions other people should take and then do it for them. That is THEIR journey.

If giving to others does not fill us with joy, we need to look at:

  • Am I taking care of my own needs?
  • Am I doing for others what they are choosing not to do for themselves?
  • Am I focusing on them to avoid taking care of me?
  • Why am I putting someone else’s value above my own?
  • How can I put more value on me?

3. We Focus on Other People’s Lives

If we are comparing our happiness to those in the tabloids and the people around us, we are not focusing on our own lives—both the good and the areas that need improving. Who is looking after us? If we are busy figuring out what makes everyone in our lives happy, how do we know what makes us happy? We should ask ourselves.

  • What inspires me?
  • What feeds my soul?
  • What brings out my passion?
  • What gives me energy to give from a loving place?

Some people want marriage; others don’t. Some people like big families; others want to keep it small. Some people like adventure; others prefer to keep it safe. Some of us are religious, while others believe in a different spiritual path. It is imperative that you start painting a picture of what happiness looks like for YOU. Your life is more important than all the other people’s lives that you are focusing on!

4. We Think We Don’t Deserve Better

Guilt and shame are ready to sabotage our happiness the second we give them the power to do so. We subconsciously set limits to our happiness by only allowing ourselves as much as we think we deserve. If it goes over that set amount, we sabotage it. We may stir up drama, verbally or physically self-abuse, abuse others, blame, fight, or spread anger, fear, and hate. If we frequently fall into self-sabotaging behaviors, we need to explore:

  • Why do I feel unworthy of love and/or happiness?
  • Do I feel like I am enough the way that I am? If the answer is no, why?
  • What am I not forgiving myself for?
  • What am I holding onto that is keeping me down?
  • Why am I stirring up dis-ease?

How do we break this cycle? We should talk to ourselves with love and respect. Have a love affair with ourselves. Spend the time on us that we would normally invest in someone else. Upping our happiness “ceiling” starts with forgiving ourselves for not being perfect; none of us are. We all make plenty of mistakes and have ample opportunities to learn. Our struggles are the foundation of becoming spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically better. If we want happiness, we must embrace who we are.

5. We Live in the Past and the Future

The past gives us an opportunity to learn and grow. Our future is a chance to practice what we have learned. Other than those two things, they tend to cause stress and pain. Living in either place only distracts us from the present moment. We miss the beauty of nature, the sweet look in a child’s eyes, the love of our families, and the miracles of everyday life. Happiness comes from appreciating the moment. Even in the darkest times, there is a light in the present, but we will miss it if we are not there.

  • What did I learn from the situation I’m dwelling on?
  • How can I apply the lesson today?
  • What would I like my behavior, response, or action to look like in the future?
  • How can I let it go and be in today?

If we want to stop sabotaging our happiness, the first step is to become aware of when we are doing it. Then we can accept our responsibility for our behavior and at the same time forgive ourselves. We then have the power to take action and change it. This is a process; it will not happen quickly. Congratulate yourself with each step. You will learn a little more with every victory. It’s time to start the journey and embrace your happiness!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

 

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

Have you ever had moments where you feel completely inadequate? Maybe a specific situation comes up and you think there is no way that you would ever be good enough to do what is needed. Or, maybe you feel that way all the time and you can’t seem to get past it.

Thinking that you are not good enough and having low self-esteem tend to go hand-in-hand, but they are slightly different.

Thankfully, you can work on both of them by changing your thinking habits and banishing some of that negative self-talk from your mindset. Whether you think you are not good enough in certain situations or you have a hard time believing that you are good enough for almost anything, it doesn’t have to be that way forever.

Let’s look at a few things you should always keep in mind when those thoughts come in, and how you can start to convince yourself of your true worth.

1. You Are Not Alone

Thinking that you are not good enough can cause a lonely existence. You might not want to put your burdens on others, so you don’t talk about it. You might also think that everyone else is perfectly happy with who they are, and are confident in everything that they do.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The reality is, you never know what other people are fully thinking/feeling. What you can count on, though, is that there are so many others who feel just like you, and are constantly wondering if they are “enough”. Knowing that you are not alone can help you to work through your feelings without feeling so isolated.

2. You Have Your Own Skills

A common reason why people tend to think they are not good enough is because they don’t have a specific talent or skill that someone else has. But you probably have something that person doesn’t, too.

Everyone has their own abilities and things that make them unique. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, keep your mind on your talents and what makes you special.

“If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!” – T. Harv Eker

3. You Can’t Be Perfect

Perfection is a fruitless thing to chase. Many people who question their self-worth do so because they are perfectionists.

But, if you set such a high standard for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Perfection doesn’t exist, and while you can strive to be your best, it is important to understand human error and limits. That doesn’t mean the things you do are some how “less” than great. But, striving for perfection is something that can make you feel inadequate.

4. You Are Worthy of Loving Yourself

Love tends to be the answer for so many things, including any pain or turmoil that you might be going through. Thinking that you are not good enough is an easy way to cause yourself sadness and pain. Those thoughts can quickly snowball and you might start to think about more negative things about yourself.

Instead of fueling those negative thoughts, choose love. Love is like a permanent band-aid for the pain that you are going through. It is a great way to comfort yourself, provide reassurance, and get a clearer picture of who you really are and all of the wonderful things that you can offer the world. By choosing self-love, you can start to see yourself in a more positive light, and push those negative thoughts away.

“We must fall in love with ourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.” – Mae West

5. Mistakes Can Be a Good Thing

Do you ever find yourself feeling especially inadequate when you “fail”? While that is not uncommon, that word should really be removed from your vocabulary.

Everyone “fails” at times, because again, perfection is not attainable. When you start to consider anything less than perfection to be a failure, it is easy to beat yourself up and think that you will never amount to the things that you truly want.

But, when you start to view your failures and mistakes as good things and stepping stones, you can completely shift your perspective and realize that not only are you good enough, but you are also resilient and strong. Some of the biggest “failures” in history went on to be the most successful people because they learned from their mistakes. They looked at the things that went wrong and considered how they could change them.

It is important to use your mistakes as a way to learn and grow. When you are able to do that, you will find a greater sense of fulfillment when things finally come together and you get it “right”.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordon

6. Gratitude Goes a Long Way

It might not always feel easy to accept and be grateful for who you are. But, it is incredibly important. Instead of thinking about the things you don’t have or areas where you are not “good enough”, choose to actively think about and pursue the positive. Focus on what you are grateful for. The more that you do that, the easier it will be to banish those thoughts of doubt and insecurity. I like to start every day by using my journal and begin by writing down three things that I am grateful for.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie

Once you really start to think about it, you will find that you have more to be grateful for than you may have initially realized, and that way of thinking can help you to establish healthier, more positive thoughts about yourself that will last a lifetime.

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

What are existential questions?

Existential questions are usually deep, philosophical questions that question just that — our very existence.

They can be great conversation starters and they can also sometimes make for a passionate discussion. The following existential questions can be a great way to get to know someone better and perhaps even learn new things about yourself.

The word existential comes from the Latin word “existentia”, which means to exist. Existential questions challenge our way of thinking, our beliefs and our perspective.

Is there a right or wrong answer to an existential question? Perhaps not, as each question usually just asks more questions.

I have put together the following list of thought provoking existential questions so that you can perhaps start an internal conversation with yourself or start an interesting debate with your friends.

50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

 

1. Are there limits to human creativity?

2. What makes something beautiful?

3. How do we know if we’re doing the right thing?

4. Who am I?

5. What is one thing that every human should get to experience in their life?

6. Do you believe in a power greater than humanity?

7. Are we given enough time?

8. Is privacy a right?

9. What is the best way for a person to attain happiness?

10. Are we alone in the universe?

11. What is love?

12. How would you define genius?

13. What do you think your purpose is?

14. If babies are considered innocent, when do people cease to be innocent?

15. Is it better to expand your knowledge or to deepen it?

16. Why do you think we are here?

17. How important is ‘play’ in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

18. Do you have a right to be happy, or should you earn it?

19. What happens when I die?

20. What worries me the most about the future?

21. What is a person? Is it the mind, or the body?

22. Would the world be a better place if all leaders were women? If you answered yes, why?

23. What activity have I done that has made me feel the most alive?

24. Does truth exist without evidence?

25. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would I give?

26. Does a person have a soul? If so, where is it?

27. Is intelligence or wisdom more useful?

28. Is it more important to love or be loved?

29. What would make the world a better place?

30. How should we measure our lives? In years? In moments? In accomplishments? Something else?

31. What is the difference between living and simply existing?

32. If you died today, would you be satisfied with the life you’ve lived?

33. What advice would you tell your younger self?

34. Which is worse: failing or never trying?

35. Is a minimum wage a good idea? What about a maximum wage?

36. What is the most important goal every person should have?

37. Can anything ever really be considered ‘true’ or is everything subjective?

38. Is the world a better place with humans in it?

39. If extra-terrestrial life was discovered, how do you think humanity would react?

40. Is happiness just a mixture of chemicals circulating through our bodies?

41. Where do you think we go when we die?

42. Have I done anything lately worth remembering?

43. Can you ever have full control over your own life?

44. How do you know that you are not dreaming right now?

45. Is one lifetime enough?

46. What matters most in my life?

47. Is a person ever truly evil? If so, are they born that way?

48. What is the meaning of life?

49. Is humanity going in the right or wrong direction?

50. What does it mean to live a good life?

I hope that you enjoyed these thought provoking existential questions. I hope that they perhaps made you think about your beliefs, yourself and the world around you (the bigger picture). If you discuss these questions with a friend, remember, there is probably no right and wrong answers, usually just a matter of opinion.

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

I clearly remember when I was 18, then 25 and in then what seems like a flash, I have recently celebrated by 50th birthday. While some people might dread the thoughts of hitting such a milestone. (more…)

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