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How To Move On After A Relationship With A Narcissist

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How To Move On After A Relationship With A Narcissist

 

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can seem like a never-ending cycle of pain, loneliness, abuse and many other feelings. You may have remained empathetic and forgiving throughout the relationship but perhaps at some point you realized it was important to stop this negative cycle and find your freedom.

Breaking the negative cycle of the relationship was probably the best thing you could have done for your emotional and mental well-being! Though, it may not feel like this immediately, it will get easier with time as you move on with your life. At the beginning it is time to focus on healing and self-care. Focusing on your own life and well-being after spending all your energy on your narcissistic partner can be difficult at first. But, there are a few things that you can do to make the journey easier so that you can heal, regain your self-worth and move on with your life.

Set Necessary Boundaries

Getting out of a relationship with a narcissistic person was the first step. But it can be tempting to allow them to come back into your life in some capacity. In doing so, you will be setting yourself up for more pain and more problems in the future.

Though it can be hard at first, it is important to set boundaries when it comes to your narcissist ex-partner contacting you. It may be beneficial to block them from calling you, sending you messages, etc. Another good idea might be to get rid of anything in your own home that reminds you of them and the negative experience. Cutting ties quickly and completely is never easy, especially if you were in a narcissistic relationship for a long time. But, it is the best way to start the healing process with less distractions.

Accept the Truth and Move On

You may have suffered both mentally and emotionally for years by your narcissistic partner. Maybe you denied it or refused to see it while you were with them. But, after the relationship is over, it is important to accept that truth. Accept the reality that the individual you were with was toxic to your life. It can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow, and it can often make people feel guilty or even feel ‘at fault’ for allowing such things to go on for so long.

That is why the next portion of this tip is equally-important: Learn to forgive yourself. It is not your fault that you stayed in a relationship with a narcissist. It just goes to show that you valued the relationship itself, and that perhaps you saw something in that person that may not have actually been there. Don’t blame yourself for how that person made you feel, and don’t blame yourself for staying in an toxic relationship. Forgiving yourself will allow you to move on and take control of your life again.

How To Move On After A Relationship With A Narcissist

Listen to Yourself

There may be an underlying reason within you that initially drew you to a narcissistic person, and that same reason may be why you stayed with them for so long. Listening to your inner thoughts and feelings can help you to determine why that might be. Keep in mind that there is a difference between self-understanding and self-blaming. Keep listening to that inner-voice and ask yourself how you feel now, after you have left that narcissistic individual. Your intuition is stronger than you might think, as long as you open up and allow yourself to really listen to it.

Change Your Focus

As humans, it is not always easy for us to just forget the past and move on. This is especially true when it comes to relationships of any kind. But, after you have given yourself some time to heal, shifting your focus and becoming more mindful will be a big help. Start to focus on the present and on the future, and how these things make you feel.

Think about your goals and dreams, even if you haven’t considered what they might be in years. They will give you something to look forward to, something to feel excited about and also something to focus on, which will make it easier to pull yourself out of any negative thinking associated with your past relationship.

How To Move On After A Relationship With A Narcissist

Be Patient With Yourself

Perhaps the most important tip to put into practice is to be patient with yourself after you end your relationship with a narcissist. Maybe you keep falling back into sadness when you think about the relationship. Maybe you feel like you are not moving forward quickly enough, and you want to “get over” those negative feelings that keep sticking with you. Everyone deals with the aftermath of a breakup differently. When you were in a relationship where emotional abuse was involved, dealing with that kind of trauma can make things even more difficult. Be kind to yourself, and try to eliminate any negative self-talk. This goes along with forgiving yourself, of course. But it is also necessary to be gentle with your own emotions as you continue to work through everything.

Don’t assume that one setback is going to drag you back to where you started. There is no set time limit you need to keep track of when it comes to your healing process. No matter how long it might take you, the most important thing is to be persistent and not to give up on yourself. Hopefully, some of the suggestions listed in this article will make the aftermath of living with a narcissist a bit easier for you.

Remember, this is an opportunity for you to take the reigns back on your own life. Though it may be a slow process at the beginning, you will feel so much better once you finally find personal freedom, and once you have moved on with your life after being in a relationship with a narcissist.

 

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

Have you ever had moments where you feel completely inadequate? Maybe a specific situation comes up and you think there is no way that you would ever be good enough to do what is needed. Or, maybe you feel that way all the time and you can’t seem to get past it.

Thinking that you are not good enough and having low self-esteem tend to go hand-in-hand, but they are slightly different.

Thankfully, you can work on both of them by changing your thinking habits and banishing some of that negative self-talk from your mindset. Whether you think you are not good enough in certain situations or you have a hard time believing that you are good enough for almost anything, it doesn’t have to be that way forever.

Let’s look at a few things you should always keep in mind when those thoughts come in, and how you can start to convince yourself of your true worth.

1. You Are Not Alone

Thinking that you are not good enough can cause a lonely existence. You might not want to put your burdens on others, so you don’t talk about it. You might also think that everyone else is perfectly happy with who they are, and are confident in everything that they do.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The reality is, you never know what other people are fully thinking/feeling. What you can count on, though, is that there are so many others who feel just like you, and are constantly wondering if they are “enough”. Knowing that you are not alone can help you to work through your feelings without feeling so isolated.

2. You Have Your Own Skills

A common reason why people tend to think they are not good enough is because they don’t have a specific talent or skill that someone else has. But you probably have something that person doesn’t, too.

Everyone has their own abilities and things that make them unique. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, keep your mind on your talents and what makes you special.

“If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!” – T. Harv Eker

3. You Can’t Be Perfect

Perfection is a fruitless thing to chase. Many people who question their self-worth do so because they are perfectionists.

But, if you set such a high standard for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Perfection doesn’t exist, and while you can strive to be your best, it is important to understand human error and limits. That doesn’t mean the things you do are some how “less” than great. But, striving for perfection is something that can make you feel inadequate.

4. You Are Worthy of Loving Yourself

Love tends to be the answer for so many things, including any pain or turmoil that you might be going through. Thinking that you are not good enough is an easy way to cause yourself sadness and pain. Those thoughts can quickly snowball and you might start to think about more negative things about yourself.

Instead of fueling those negative thoughts, choose love. Love is like a permanent band-aid for the pain that you are going through. It is a great way to comfort yourself, provide reassurance, and get a clearer picture of who you really are and all of the wonderful things that you can offer the world. By choosing self-love, you can start to see yourself in a more positive light, and push those negative thoughts away.

“We must fall in love with ourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.” – Mae West

5. Mistakes Can Be a Good Thing

Do you ever find yourself feeling especially inadequate when you “fail”? While that is not uncommon, that word should really be removed from your vocabulary.

Everyone “fails” at times, because again, perfection is not attainable. When you start to consider anything less than perfection to be a failure, it is easy to beat yourself up and think that you will never amount to the things that you truly want.

But, when you start to view your failures and mistakes as good things and stepping stones, you can completely shift your perspective and realize that not only are you good enough, but you are also resilient and strong. Some of the biggest “failures” in history went on to be the most successful people because they learned from their mistakes. They looked at the things that went wrong and considered how they could change them.

It is important to use your mistakes as a way to learn and grow. When you are able to do that, you will find a greater sense of fulfillment when things finally come together and you get it “right”.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordon

6. Gratitude Goes a Long Way

It might not always feel easy to accept and be grateful for who you are. But, it is incredibly important. Instead of thinking about the things you don’t have or areas where you are not “good enough”, choose to actively think about and pursue the positive. Focus on what you are grateful for. The more that you do that, the easier it will be to banish those thoughts of doubt and insecurity. I like to start every day by using my journal and begin by writing down three things that I am grateful for.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie

Once you really start to think about it, you will find that you have more to be grateful for than you may have initially realized, and that way of thinking can help you to establish healthier, more positive thoughts about yourself that will last a lifetime.

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

What are existential questions?

Existential questions are usually deep, philosophical questions that question just that — our very existence.

They can be great conversation starters and they can also sometimes make for a passionate discussion. The following existential questions can be a great way to get to know someone better and perhaps even learn new things about yourself.

The word existential comes from the Latin word “existentia”, which means to exist. Existential questions challenge our way of thinking, our beliefs and our perspective.

Is there a right or wrong answer to an existential question? Perhaps not, as each question usually just asks more questions.

I have put together the following list of thought provoking existential questions so that you can perhaps start an internal conversation with yourself or start an interesting debate with your friends.

50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

 

1. Are there limits to human creativity?

2. What makes something beautiful?

3. How do we know if we’re doing the right thing?

4. Who am I?

5. What is one thing that every human should get to experience in their life?

6. Do you believe in a power greater than humanity?

7. Are we given enough time?

8. Is privacy a right?

9. What is the best way for a person to attain happiness?

10. Are we alone in the universe?

11. What is love?

12. How would you define genius?

13. What do you think your purpose is?

14. If babies are considered innocent, when do people cease to be innocent?

15. Is it better to expand your knowledge or to deepen it?

16. Why do you think we are here?

17. How important is ‘play’ in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

18. Do you have a right to be happy, or should you earn it?

19. What happens when I die?

20. What worries me the most about the future?

21. What is a person? Is it the mind, or the body?

22. Would the world be a better place if all leaders were women? If you answered yes, why?

23. What activity have I done that has made me feel the most alive?

24. Does truth exist without evidence?

25. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would I give?

26. Does a person have a soul? If so, where is it?

27. Is intelligence or wisdom more useful?

28. Is it more important to love or be loved?

29. What would make the world a better place?

30. How should we measure our lives? In years? In moments? In accomplishments? Something else?

31. What is the difference between living and simply existing?

32. If you died today, would you be satisfied with the life you’ve lived?

33. What advice would you tell your younger self?

34. Which is worse: failing or never trying?

35. Is a minimum wage a good idea? What about a maximum wage?

36. What is the most important goal every person should have?

37. Can anything ever really be considered ‘true’ or is everything subjective?

38. Is the world a better place with humans in it?

39. If extra-terrestrial life was discovered, how do you think humanity would react?

40. Is happiness just a mixture of chemicals circulating through our bodies?

41. Where do you think we go when we die?

42. Have I done anything lately worth remembering?

43. Can you ever have full control over your own life?

44. How do you know that you are not dreaming right now?

45. Is one lifetime enough?

46. What matters most in my life?

47. Is a person ever truly evil? If so, are they born that way?

48. What is the meaning of life?

49. Is humanity going in the right or wrong direction?

50. What does it mean to live a good life?

I hope that you enjoyed these thought provoking existential questions. I hope that they perhaps made you think about your beliefs, yourself and the world around you (the bigger picture). If you discuss these questions with a friend, remember, there is probably no right and wrong answers, usually just a matter of opinion.

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

I clearly remember when I was 18, then 25 and in then what seems like a flash, I have recently celebrated by 50th birthday. While some people might dread the thoughts of hitting such a milestone. (more…)

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