Being in a relationship with a narcissist can seem like a never-ending cycle of pain, loneliness, abuse and many other feelings. You may have remained empathetic and forgiving throughout the relationship but perhaps at some point you realized it was important to stop this negative cycle and find your freedom.
Breaking the negative cycle of the relationship was probably the best thing you could have done for your emotional and mental well-being! Though, it may not feel like this immediately, it will get easier with time as you move on with your life. At the beginning it is time to focus on healing and self-care. Focusing on your own life and well-being after spending all your energy on your narcissistic partner can be difficult at first. But, there are a few things that you can do to make the journey easier so that you can heal, regain your self-worth and move on with your life.
Set Necessary Boundaries
Getting out of a relationship with a narcissistic person was the first step. But it can be tempting to allow them to come back into your life in some capacity. In doing so, you will be setting yourself up for more pain and more problems in the future.
Though it can be hard at first, it is important to set boundaries when it comes to your narcissist ex-partner contacting you. It may be beneficial to block them from calling you, sending you messages, etc. Another good idea might be to get rid of anything in your own home that reminds you of them and the negative experience. Cutting ties quickly and completely is never easy, especially if you were in a narcissistic relationship for a long time. But, it is the best way to start the healing process with less distractions.
Accept the Truth and Move On
You may have suffered both mentally and emotionally for years by your narcissistic partner. Maybe you denied it or refused to see it while you were with them. But, after the relationship is over, it is important to accept that truth. Accept the reality that the individual you were with was toxic to your life. It can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow, and it can often make people feel guilty or even feel ‘at fault’ for allowing such things to go on for so long.
That is why the next portion of this tip is equally-important: Learn to forgive yourself. It is not your fault that you stayed in a relationship with a narcissist. It just goes to show that you valued the relationship itself, and that perhaps you saw something in that person that may not have actually been there. Don’t blame yourself for how that person made you feel, and don’t blame yourself for staying in an toxic relationship. Forgiving yourself will allow you to move on and take control of your life again.
Listen to Yourself
There may be an underlying reason within you that initially drew you to a narcissistic person, and that same reason may be why you stayed with them for so long. Listening to your inner thoughts and feelings can help you to determine why that might be. Keep in mind that there is a difference between self-understanding and self-blaming. Keep listening to that inner-voice and ask yourself how you feel now, after you have left that narcissistic individual. Your intuition is stronger than you might think, as long as you open up and allow yourself to really listen to it.
Change Your Focus
As humans, it is not always easy for us to just forget the past and move on. This is especially true when it comes to relationships of any kind. But, after you have given yourself some time to heal, shifting your focus and becoming more mindful will be a big help. Start to focus on the present and on the future, and how these things make you feel.
Think about your goals and dreams, even if you haven’t considered what they might be in years. They will give you something to look forward to, something to feel excited about and also something to focus on, which will make it easier to pull yourself out of any negative thinking associated with your past relationship.
Be Patient With Yourself
Perhaps the most important tip to put into practice is to be patient with yourself after you end your relationship with a narcissist. Maybe you keep falling back into sadness when you think about the relationship. Maybe you feel like you are not moving forward quickly enough, and you want to “get over” those negative feelings that keep sticking with you. Everyone deals with the aftermath of a breakup differently. When you were in a relationship where emotional abuse was involved, dealing with that kind of trauma can make things even more difficult. Be kind to yourself, and try to eliminate any negative self-talk. This goes along with forgiving yourself, of course. But it is also necessary to be gentle with your own emotions as you continue to work through everything.
Don’t assume that one setback is going to drag you back to where you started. There is no set time limit you need to keep track of when it comes to your healing process. No matter how long it might take you, the most important thing is to be persistent and not to give up on yourself. Hopefully, some of the suggestions listed in this article will make the aftermath of living with a narcissist a bit easier for you.
Remember, this is an opportunity for you to take the reigns back on your own life. Though it may be a slow process at the beginning, you will feel so much better once you finally find personal freedom, and once you have moved on with your life after being in a relationship with a narcissist.
How Neurobics Can improve Your Memory
When you are trying to improve your overall well-being, it is just as important to focus on your mental fitness as well as your physical fitness. Most people have heard of aerobics. Aerobic exercise is a great way to boost your heart rate and burn a few extra calories while improving your heart health. But, have you ever heard of Neurobics? Neurobics is the science behind brain exercise.
Yes, you can exercise your mind and keep it just as fit as your body. But, it is not like your brain is going to do any jumping jacks or jogging any time soon, right? So, what can you do to keep it fit, and how does exercising your brain actually improve your memory?
Let’s dive a little deeper into how Neurobics actually works, and a few exercises you can try to boost your memory and overall brain health.
What Is Neurobics?
When you break Neurobics down, it stands for neurons + aerobics. Neurobic exercises increase the level of oxygen in your brain and “breathe life” into the neurons.
When those neurons are stronger and more stimulated, it improves your brain health – especially your memory. A good way to visualize how Neurobics actually helps is by picturing a piece of glass being blown into a decorative item. The glass maker has to stretch the piece when it is warm and malleable. But, once it is stretched out, it doesn’t spring back to where was before. It stays permanently in place.
Neurobics work the same way. By taking part in an activity or experience that taxes your brain, you are “stretching” the neurons. Once they are stretched, they don’t return to the shape that they were in before.
That is the point of Neurobics – to challenge your mind in different ways so that it gets stronger. If you are working out your body, doing the exact same exercise the same way each day, it would eventually cause your results to plateau. You have to switch things up to “confuse” your muscles and get them stronger. Working out your brain is just the same. With that in mind, let’s cover a few easy Neurobics exercises that you can start doing right away.
Change Your Habits
One of the easiest (and yet, most challenging) ways to get started with Neurobics is to step out of your daily comfort zone. Some habits can already be detrimental to your memory, and cutting them out of your life will make a difference.
When you stop old habits, you are actually using Neurobics to challenge your brain into different thinking patterns. Some ideas to consider include:
- Giving up (or at least cutting down) on television
- Quitting smoking/drinking alcohol
- Changing your eating habits
- Exercising more
When you stop doing some of the things that you have grown comfortable with, you require your brain to stretch, adapt and change. As a result, you will start thinking clearer, become more focused, and remember more things.
Do Something Different
Some Neurobic exercises are things that you can do in just a few minutes each day – the equivalent of doing 50 jumping jacks in a five-minute work break. Things like solving a crossword puzzle, writing in a journal or giving yourself a High Five in a mirror can all fire up the neurons in your brain. Even yoga and/or meditation can force you to push away the “cluttered” thoughts that are in your head and require you to focus on one particular thing.
The places you go and the experiences that you jump into can be considered as Neurobic activities. Anything that challenges your mind and causes you to think differently about something is a great way to stretch your brain.
These could include going to a museum, a zoo, a musical performance, or even different cultural festivals. Allowing yourself to be open to new ideas and experiences is one of the best ways to exercise your brain and improve your memory.
Mark Twain said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones that you did do.”
While one of the biggest benefits of Neurobics is improved memory, it is certainly not the only “perk” to this type of mental exercising. Neurobics can also help you to face your fears, live without regrets, and experience a fuller, more meaningful life.
They can give you the courage to take more chances and experience the rewards. They can turn you into a better leader. Most importantly, Neurobics can inspire you by changing the way you see the world around you.
If you are already passionate about your physical health, it could be time to start thinking about your mental fitness, too! Whether you want to improve your memory as you get older or just want to keep your mind as sharp as possible now, trying Neurobics is a great way to “stay in great mental shape”.
Use some of the exercises listed here to get started. You might be surprised by just how quickly your focus and memory will start to improve.
8 Great Ways To Reward Your Employees
Employee engagement is more than a current trend – it is something that more businesses across the globe are starting to value for plenty of good reasons. When employees feel happy and appreciated, they are more likely to be productive and loyal to your company.
While basic benefits packages are still important, it is now more important than ever to go above and beyond for the people working for you. Not only can great rewards help you to hire the best talent, but they will also make your business environment a positive one where people will actually enjoy coming to work and do their best.
The great part about rewarding your employees is that you can let your creativity shine. Think about practical, functional rewards that your employees will actually use and appreciate. Then, don’t be afraid to have some fun with your ideas.
Feeling stuck? Not sure where to get started? Let’s cover some great ways to reward your employees.
1. Make Your Gratitude Public
Sometimes, the simplest gestures can make the biggest difference. If you really want your employees to feel good, make sure everyone knows how much you appreciate their hard work and dedication.
So, thank them publicly. The next time you have a company meeting or public event, carve out some time to thank people individually. Giving them a few moments of attention in a public setting is a great way to show them how much that you appreciate them. After all, who doesn’t like to be complimented?
2. Give Time Off
A reward doesn’t have to be something tangible to be valuable. If your employees have been working hard, reward them with some extra time off. It could be a long weekend, a surprise vacation, or even just an afternoon off on a random Tuesday.
If you do decide to reward them with some free time, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate the work that they have been doing. That appreciation, along with getting a break from work, can help them to feel more motivated and productive when they return.
3. The Little Things Count
You don’t need to go overboard with flashy, expensive rewards. Sometimes, it’s the little things that mean the most. Plus, you will be able to give them more frequently.
Hand out things like gift cards to local coffee shops or movie theaters, or give them something practical like a travel mug or ergonomic desk chair. Small gestures can really mean a lot and your employees will remember and appreciate the gesture.
4. Build Community Through Food
Everyone has to eat, but not everyone likes spending money on their lunch or bringing a regular sandwich from home.
One of the easiest ways to reward your employees is to have lunch catered in as often as possible. Not only does it show them how much you appreciate their work, but when everyone eats lunch together, it will build a more positive work environment. Your business benefits all around.
You can take things one step further by making your catered lunches a scheduled event, whether you do it once a week, once a month, etc. It gives people something to look forward to and serves as a constant reminder of your appreciation.
5. Subscription Services
Subscription services have become more popular than ever in recent years. They really grew during the pandemic, when most people started spending more time at home.
Consider signing your employees up for a subscription service you think they would enjoy. Perhaps give them a list of magazines that they can choose from and give them a years subscription for a job well done.
6. Schedule Company-wide Activities
Host company parties, picnics, and other fun events as often as possible. Everyone deserves to have fun after working hard, and it is another great opportunity for your employees to get closer, a build a better bond. Company activities can also help to prevent burnout in the workplace.
Make sure to include certain events that can include employees’ family members so everyone can join in the fun and your workers don’t have to be away from their loved ones. Family picnics, movie nights, bowling tournaments, or even a catered dinner are all great ways to make sure everyone is involved.
7. Extra Responsibility
While more responsibilities might not seem like a “reward” at first, it is how you present it to an employee that makes a difference.
When you sit down to talk to an employee about increasing their responsibilities, make sure they know why. Talk about how much you trust them and their ability to make decisions on their own. Let them know their value as a part of the company, and you take their career goals as seriously as they do.
8. Give Them A High Five
Giving someone a high five should not be confined just to sports. You have probably seen the viral videos of a teacher giving their students a high five as they enter the classroom. You can feel the positivity, genuine excitement and the wonderful energy from these videos. Research has shown that the biggest difference in whether or not someone will enjoy their job and be more productive, is not the amount of vacation time or their salary package. It is when someone has a manager who cares, appreciates and trusts them and makes them feel that they matter. The next time someone hits a target, makes a sale or gives great customer service why not give them a well deserved high five and see how it makes them feel.
While your employees might not regularly expect rewards, that is half the fun of giving them. Boosting morale, no matter how big or small your business might be, will make a big difference in how productive your workers are. It will shape the environment of your entire company, and the best part? It doesn’t take a lot of time or money to reward people for a job well done. Get creative, get personal, and find unique ways to show your employees how much you appreciate them.
Are You Working For A Tyrant Boss? (And what you can do about it)
Multiple studies have indicated that a large percentage of people are unhappy with their jobs. Research carried out by Microsoft in 2021, showed that 41% of the workforce are considering leaving their employer. Sometimes, this dissatisfaction comes from working long hours. Other times, it is about not making enough money.
On occasion, however, the source of unhappiness is the person that you work for. Working for a tyrant boss is draining and stressful. It can have a negative impact on nearly every area of your life, because the stress that it causes makes it hard to “let go” of your workday even when you are at home.
So, how do you know if you are working for a tyrant boss? And if you are, what can you do about it?
A Boss That Is Never Wrong
You have heard of the phrase “the customer is always right,” but do you work for someone who never seems to think that you are ever right?
A tyrant in the workplace is often a dictator. This means that they don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion or ideas, and if they do, they are instantly shut down. A tyrant boss can “never be wrong,” and they have the final authority on everything.
Unfortunately, they are often the ones who will suffer in the end. No one is perfect, no matter how much your boss thinks that they are. If they do not take other people’s input into consideration, they are going to burn out and end up making poor choices, which will impact the business in the long run.
Help people reach their full potential, catch them doing something right. ― Ken Blanchard
They Expect Carbon Copies Of Themselves
Does your boss seem to gravitate toward employees who are just like them?
Narcissistic people tend to be kinder to those who have the same characteristics. The problem with that? It takes a diverse group of people with different skill sets to make a great team.
If your boss favors people just like them and expects everyone to conform to certain unreasonable expectations, you should see this as a huge red flag.
Additionally, pay attention to how your boss’ personality changes around certain people. If they tend to play favorites, it might be another sign that they are running a tyrannical operation. Everyone in a business should be treated equally. Favoritism doesn’t belong in a professional setting.
Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is a success. – Henry Ford
They Don’t Respect Your Work-Life Balance
Work-life balance has become an important topic of conversation over the last year. With more people working remotely, it has been harder for some to strike a healthy balance between their work life and their home life.
While, in many cases, you can find ways to manage this balance, some bosses simply won’t allow it.
For example, does your boss frequently call you on your day off? Do they email you or message you after working hours, or first thing in the morning?
If your boss cannot respect that you have a life and that you deserve some free time, they are running their business like a dictatorship. Good employers know how important it is for their employees to have free time, whether it is for self-care or socialization. When a worker constantly feels like they are “on the clock,” they are more likely to get burnt out quickly, and their performance will suffer.
They Are Master Micro-Managers
Does your boss lurk over you more often than not? Do you find it hard to get anything done in a day because they are micromanaging everything that you do?
Micro-managers want a play-by-play of everything that you are doing throughout the day. They will try to take charge of your projects and overlook everything so you can’t be as productive as you could be.
You can work to diffuse a micro-managing boss by giving them more information than they ask for. Beat them at their own game by giving them detailed information about what you are working on. If they feel like they are not able to be “on top” of you anymore, they will likely give up and let you work in peace.
Great things in business are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people. – Steve Jobs
They Want All Of The Credit
Typically, when a business sees any kind of success, it is a good sign of a strong, dynamic team. One person cannot hold up an entire company on their own.
But, if your boss tends to take the credit for everything and loves being in the spotlight, it can often feel like your efforts are unnoticed and unappreciated. There are children’s books about people doing all the work and someone else taking all of the credit. Some adults just never seem to learn the “moral of the story”.
What Can You Do About It?
So, what can you do if you are working for a tyrant boss? Aside from resigning, which is sometimes the only option, there are a few ways that you can manage things on a daily basis.
First, try not to let your boss’ behavior affect you. Yes, they can be frustrating. They will get to you, at times. It is important for you to take the high road and be the bigger person. No matter where you work, everything that you do is a reflection of who you are – your personal brand. Don’t give in to your frustrations, and don’t fuel your boss’ attitude by snapping back at them. If you do, chances are, their behaviors will become even more exaggerated.
Your overall well-being should be your top priority. If you don’t see any signs of a changing environment, you don’t need to stay in a toxic workplace. Understand some of these signs, and trust your gut when it comes to how you should respond. Many of us have had bad experiences with tyrant bosses in the past, I know I have. In my experience, tyrant bosses very rarely change. They have either moved on or I have.
Life is too short to be stressed out by your boss. Thankfully there are plenty of great bosses out there too who will respect and value you and they are a real joy to work with.