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How to Survive Living or Working with a Narcissist

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How to Survive Living or Working with a Narcissist

 

The best relationship that you can have with a narcissist is none at all. This is a very strong statement, but I truly believe that having a positive relationship with a narcissist is impossible. But sometimes in life, your path might cross with a narcissist in work, or perhaps you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist.

There is a good chance that you know at least one narcissistic person in your life. It is easy to think that this person doesn’t have a strong impact on you. But, in reality, dealing with a narcissist on a regular basis can wreak havoc on your mental health. They can lower your self-esteem, and trigger you to get frustrated, upset, or even cause you to get angry.

Living and working with a narcissist are two different things, but they usually require the same techniques in order to help you to get through the relationship that you have with them. You don’t have to put up with all of the negative tendencies of a narcissist. Instead, let’s look at some techniques that you can use to save your sanity and perhaps the relationship that you have with them. 

Don’t Try to Change Them

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is impossible to change their personality. But, you can change how you let them affect you. Don’t turn trying to change them into a ‘project.’ In the end, you will only be disappointed. Narcissists usually don’t have much empathy for other people, as they don’t see themselves as having a problem. If you put a lot of time and effort into thinking you can change them, you will find yourself feeling disappointed, while they won’t even notice or care.

Whether you work with someone who is obsessed with their image, or you love someone who is a little too over the top with how ‘into’ themselves they are, the first step in dealing with them is to understand that you cannot change them. If you still have to/want to be around them, it is you who has to make some positive adjustments.

Accept and Admit Your Feelings to Yourself

One of the worst things that you can do to yourself is to pretend that everything is okay with the narcissist in your life. If you keep telling yourself that you are being irrational or overreacting, you could actually make things even worse. Bottling up your emotions and frustration will eventually cause them to come out eventually, and that will usually create a negative reaction. It is okay to accept your feelings and admit to yourself that you are annoyed by the actions of the narcissist. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be to know what behavior by them is tolerable and what is intolerable.

Understand Why They Behave This Way

Many times, narcissists are actually very insecure people. It may not seem like it, but they often talk and brag about themselves as a defense mechanism, to make themselves feel better. However, there is a fine line to this theory. Narcissists can also get huge egos very quickly. A good rule of thumb is to reassure the narcissist in your life of their genuine real worth.

For example, if you work with a narcissist who is going on and on about how great they performed during a meeting, give them a simple reassurance that they did, indeed, do a good job. This can help to extinguish their underlying insecurities. But, don’t feel obliged as though you have to go on and on about all of their achievements. That could actually fan the flames of their ego, and make things even worse. When you understand that narcissists often have extreme insecurities, it can be easier to handle some of their quirks and characteristics.

Stay Confident, Strong and Positive

Again, because many narcissists are actually quite insecure people, they can get  great pleasure out of seeing others fail, or even seeing others in some type of emotional pain or turmoil. Most of the time, it’s not some kind of ‘evil’ thought process, as they may not even realize the pleasure they get out of such thoughts.

But, if you must work with a narcissist, don’t let these thoughts and tendencies get to you. Even if you are feeling down, try to maintain a confident positive outlook around these types of people. They will try to bring you down, and the best way to respond to that is to let them know that you are not going to put up with their mean streak by staying confident, strong and positive. If they get into an argument with you, walk away or leave the house, as a response will only give them the power that they crave.

This practice can be often easier said than done, but it is important if you want to be the one in control in your personal and/or working relationship.

Find a Balance

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be easy to find yourself constantly giving into their wants and needs. Don’t let yourself get derailed when it comes to your own plans and goals just because they try to steal the spotlight all of the time.

It is important to keep moving forward in your own life. A narcissistic person will try to hold you back if you let them. While it is important to be supportive in a relationship, that support has to go both ways. A narcissist may not recognize that, so it is up to you to keep walking your own path, and achieving your own goals on a regular basis. Finding a balance between your relationship with a narcissist and your own personal achievements in life can be tricky at first. But, it is so important in order to have a healthy relationship, and indeed for your own mental wellbeing.

Determine What You Are Willing to Do

Again, it is important to understand where a narcissist might be coming from. If you work with someone like this, it is not always easy to suggest that they could get some help. But, if you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person and you know that they may be struggling with some insecurities, it’s okay to offer them the help they may need.

Determine what you are willing to do to help someone that you care about, even if they have selfish tendencies. They may not be receptive to the idea. But, not offering help may make you resent them and their personality. I do believe that the best thing that you can do if you meet a narcissist is to go in the opposite direction, I know of people who have broken free from a relationship with a narcissist and it has totally changed their lives for the better. I know of others who are still in a relationship with a narcissist and it works. If you work with or you live with a narcissist and you want the relationship to work, do your best to put these techniques into practice. If you do, it won’t be long before you will notice how much better you will feel.

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

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6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough

Have you ever had moments where you feel completely inadequate? Maybe a specific situation comes up and you think there is no way that you would ever be good enough to do what is needed. Or, maybe you feel that way all the time and you can’t seem to get past it.

Thinking that you are not good enough and having low self-esteem tend to go hand-in-hand, but they are slightly different.

Thankfully, you can work on both of them by changing your thinking habits and banishing some of that negative self-talk from your mindset. Whether you think you are not good enough in certain situations or you have a hard time believing that you are good enough for almost anything, it doesn’t have to be that way forever.

Let’s look at a few things you should always keep in mind when those thoughts come in, and how you can start to convince yourself of your true worth.

1. You Are Not Alone

Thinking that you are not good enough can cause a lonely existence. You might not want to put your burdens on others, so you don’t talk about it. You might also think that everyone else is perfectly happy with who they are, and are confident in everything that they do.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The reality is, you never know what other people are fully thinking/feeling. What you can count on, though, is that there are so many others who feel just like you, and are constantly wondering if they are “enough”. Knowing that you are not alone can help you to work through your feelings without feeling so isolated.

2. You Have Your Own Skills

A common reason why people tend to think they are not good enough is because they don’t have a specific talent or skill that someone else has. But you probably have something that person doesn’t, too.

Everyone has their own abilities and things that make them unique. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, keep your mind on your talents and what makes you special.

“If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!” – T. Harv Eker

3. You Can’t Be Perfect

Perfection is a fruitless thing to chase. Many people who question their self-worth do so because they are perfectionists.

But, if you set such a high standard for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Perfection doesn’t exist, and while you can strive to be your best, it is important to understand human error and limits. That doesn’t mean the things you do are some how “less” than great. But, striving for perfection is something that can make you feel inadequate.

4. You Are Worthy of Loving Yourself

Love tends to be the answer for so many things, including any pain or turmoil that you might be going through. Thinking that you are not good enough is an easy way to cause yourself sadness and pain. Those thoughts can quickly snowball and you might start to think about more negative things about yourself.

Instead of fueling those negative thoughts, choose love. Love is like a permanent band-aid for the pain that you are going through. It is a great way to comfort yourself, provide reassurance, and get a clearer picture of who you really are and all of the wonderful things that you can offer the world. By choosing self-love, you can start to see yourself in a more positive light, and push those negative thoughts away.

“We must fall in love with ourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.” – Mae West

5. Mistakes Can Be a Good Thing

Do you ever find yourself feeling especially inadequate when you “fail”? While that is not uncommon, that word should really be removed from your vocabulary.

Everyone “fails” at times, because again, perfection is not attainable. When you start to consider anything less than perfection to be a failure, it is easy to beat yourself up and think that you will never amount to the things that you truly want.

But, when you start to view your failures and mistakes as good things and stepping stones, you can completely shift your perspective and realize that not only are you good enough, but you are also resilient and strong. Some of the biggest “failures” in history went on to be the most successful people because they learned from their mistakes. They looked at the things that went wrong and considered how they could change them.

It is important to use your mistakes as a way to learn and grow. When you are able to do that, you will find a greater sense of fulfillment when things finally come together and you get it “right”.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordon

6. Gratitude Goes a Long Way

It might not always feel easy to accept and be grateful for who you are. But, it is incredibly important. Instead of thinking about the things you don’t have or areas where you are not “good enough”, choose to actively think about and pursue the positive. Focus on what you are grateful for. The more that you do that, the easier it will be to banish those thoughts of doubt and insecurity. I like to start every day by using my journal and begin by writing down three things that I am grateful for.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie

Once you really start to think about it, you will find that you have more to be grateful for than you may have initially realized, and that way of thinking can help you to establish healthier, more positive thoughts about yourself that will last a lifetime.

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

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50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

What are existential questions?

Existential questions are usually deep, philosophical questions that question just that — our very existence.

They can be great conversation starters and they can also sometimes make for a passionate discussion. The following existential questions can be a great way to get to know someone better and perhaps even learn new things about yourself.

The word existential comes from the Latin word “existentia”, which means to exist. Existential questions challenge our way of thinking, our beliefs and our perspective.

Is there a right or wrong answer to an existential question? Perhaps not, as each question usually just asks more questions.

I have put together the following list of thought provoking existential questions so that you can perhaps start an internal conversation with yourself or start an interesting debate with your friends.

50 Thought Provoking Existential Questions

 

1. Are there limits to human creativity?

2. What makes something beautiful?

3. How do we know if we’re doing the right thing?

4. Who am I?

5. What is one thing that every human should get to experience in their life?

6. Do you believe in a power greater than humanity?

7. Are we given enough time?

8. Is privacy a right?

9. What is the best way for a person to attain happiness?

10. Are we alone in the universe?

11. What is love?

12. How would you define genius?

13. What do you think your purpose is?

14. If babies are considered innocent, when do people cease to be innocent?

15. Is it better to expand your knowledge or to deepen it?

16. Why do you think we are here?

17. How important is ‘play’ in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

18. Do you have a right to be happy, or should you earn it?

19. What happens when I die?

20. What worries me the most about the future?

21. What is a person? Is it the mind, or the body?

22. Would the world be a better place if all leaders were women? If you answered yes, why?

23. What activity have I done that has made me feel the most alive?

24. Does truth exist without evidence?

25. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would I give?

26. Does a person have a soul? If so, where is it?

27. Is intelligence or wisdom more useful?

28. Is it more important to love or be loved?

29. What would make the world a better place?

30. How should we measure our lives? In years? In moments? In accomplishments? Something else?

31. What is the difference between living and simply existing?

32. If you died today, would you be satisfied with the life you’ve lived?

33. What advice would you tell your younger self?

34. Which is worse: failing or never trying?

35. Is a minimum wage a good idea? What about a maximum wage?

36. What is the most important goal every person should have?

37. Can anything ever really be considered ‘true’ or is everything subjective?

38. Is the world a better place with humans in it?

39. If extra-terrestrial life was discovered, how do you think humanity would react?

40. Is happiness just a mixture of chemicals circulating through our bodies?

41. Where do you think we go when we die?

42. Have I done anything lately worth remembering?

43. Can you ever have full control over your own life?

44. How do you know that you are not dreaming right now?

45. Is one lifetime enough?

46. What matters most in my life?

47. Is a person ever truly evil? If so, are they born that way?

48. What is the meaning of life?

49. Is humanity going in the right or wrong direction?

50. What does it mean to live a good life?

I hope that you enjoyed these thought provoking existential questions. I hope that they perhaps made you think about your beliefs, yourself and the world around you (the bigger picture). If you discuss these questions with a friend, remember, there is probably no right and wrong answers, usually just a matter of opinion.

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

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30 Life Lessons That I Would Tell My Younger Self

I clearly remember when I was 18, then 25 and in then what seems like a flash, I have recently celebrated by 50th birthday. While some people might dread the thoughts of hitting such a milestone. (more…)

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