Connect with us

Articles

How to Survive Living or Working with a Narcissist

Published

on

How to Survive Living or Working with a Narcissist

 

The best relationship that you can have with a narcissist is none at all. This is a very strong statement, but I truly believe that having a positive relationship with a narcissist is impossible. But sometimes in life, your path might cross with a narcissist in work, or perhaps you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist.

There is a good chance that you know at least one narcissistic person in your life. It is easy to think that this person doesn’t have a strong impact on you. But, in reality, dealing with a narcissist on a regular basis can wreak havoc on your mental health. They can lower your self-esteem, and trigger you to get frustrated, upset, or even cause you to get angry.

Living and working with a narcissist are two different things, but they usually require the same techniques in order to help you to get through the relationship that you have with them. You don’t have to put up with all of the negative tendencies of a narcissist. Instead, let’s look at some techniques that you can use to save your sanity and perhaps the relationship that you have with them. 

Don’t Try to Change Them

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is impossible to change their personality. But, you can change how you let them affect you. Don’t turn trying to change them into a ‘project.’ In the end, you will only be disappointed. Narcissists usually don’t have much empathy for other people, as they don’t see themselves as having a problem. If you put a lot of time and effort into thinking you can change them, you will find yourself feeling disappointed, while they won’t even notice or care.

Whether you work with someone who is obsessed with their image, or you love someone who is a little too over the top with how ‘into’ themselves they are, the first step in dealing with them is to understand that you cannot change them. If you still have to/want to be around them, it is you who has to make some positive adjustments.

Accept and Admit Your Feelings to Yourself

One of the worst things that you can do to yourself is to pretend that everything is okay with the narcissist in your life. If you keep telling yourself that you are being irrational or overreacting, you could actually make things even worse. Bottling up your emotions and frustration will eventually cause them to come out eventually, and that will usually create a negative reaction. It is okay to accept your feelings and admit to yourself that you are annoyed by the actions of the narcissist. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be to know what behavior by them is tolerable and what is intolerable.

Understand Why They Behave This Way

Many times, narcissists are actually very insecure people. It may not seem like it, but they often talk and brag about themselves as a defense mechanism, to make themselves feel better. However, there is a fine line to this theory. Narcissists can also get huge egos very quickly. A good rule of thumb is to reassure the narcissist in your life of their genuine real worth.

For example, if you work with a narcissist who is going on and on about how great they performed during a meeting, give them a simple reassurance that they did, indeed, do a good job. This can help to extinguish their underlying insecurities. But, don’t feel obliged as though you have to go on and on about all of their achievements. That could actually fan the flames of their ego, and make things even worse. When you understand that narcissists often have extreme insecurities, it can be easier to handle some of their quirks and characteristics.

Stay Confident, Strong and Positive

Again, because many narcissists are actually quite insecure people, they can get  great pleasure out of seeing others fail, or even seeing others in some type of emotional pain or turmoil. Most of the time, it’s not some kind of ‘evil’ thought process, as they may not even realize the pleasure they get out of such thoughts.

But, if you must work with a narcissist, don’t let these thoughts and tendencies get to you. Even if you are feeling down, try to maintain a confident positive outlook around these types of people. They will try to bring you down, and the best way to respond to that is to let them know that you are not going to put up with their mean streak by staying confident, strong and positive. If they get into an argument with you, walk away or leave the house, as a response will only give them the power that they crave.

This practice can be often easier said than done, but it is important if you want to be the one in control in your personal and/or working relationship.

Find a Balance

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be easy to find yourself constantly giving into their wants and needs. Don’t let yourself get derailed when it comes to your own plans and goals just because they try to steal the spotlight all of the time.

It is important to keep moving forward in your own life. A narcissistic person will try to hold you back if you let them. While it is important to be supportive in a relationship, that support has to go both ways. A narcissist may not recognize that, so it is up to you to keep walking your own path, and achieving your own goals on a regular basis. Finding a balance between your relationship with a narcissist and your own personal achievements in life can be tricky at first. But, it is so important in order to have a healthy relationship, and indeed for your own mental wellbeing.

Determine What You Are Willing to Do

Again, it is important to understand where a narcissist might be coming from. If you work with someone like this, it is not always easy to suggest that they could get some help. But, if you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person and you know that they may be struggling with some insecurities, it’s okay to offer them the help they may need.

Determine what you are willing to do to help someone that you care about, even if they have selfish tendencies. They may not be receptive to the idea. But, not offering help may make you resent them and their personality. I do believe that the best thing that you can do if you meet a narcissist is to go in the opposite direction, I know of people who have broken free from a relationship with a narcissist and it has totally changed their lives for the better. I know of others who are still in a relationship with a narcissist and it works. If you work with or you live with a narcissist and you want the relationship to work, do your best to put these techniques into practice. If you do, it won’t be long before you will notice how much better you will feel.

Articles

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Published

on

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

We live in a world where other people’s triumphs, successes, and even their vanity are constantly in our faces. Digital influencers and social media make it seem easy to look perfect and feel amazing all of the time. Even your friends and family members might appear to having more success, happiness and fun.

If you stop to think about it, you can probably list off a handful of people you have compared yourself to in the past last week. Maybe a co-worker got a promotion at work, or maybe your friend has just flown off on vacation. Maybe someone you have not seen in years posted a photo online that made you envious of their lifestyle. When you start comparing yourself to others, it is easy to lose your sense of self-esteem and self-worth. If you let your guard down, you can fall into the trap of chasing after other people’s lives and not appreciating who you are and what you have achieved.

Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. How true those words remain today – perhaps even more so!

How can you stop the endless scrolling, or looking at the lives of people you know and feeling like you’re somehow less important?

Let’s look at a few tips and techniques that can help you to stop comparing yourself to others.

Know Your Triggers

Maybe a co-worker getting a promotion doesn’t affect you, but a friend getting married does. You might be single or recently divorced. Or, maybe you have been in a relationship for a while but your partner doesn’t want to get married. As a result, you start comparing yourself and the things you want to what someone else has. The things that cause you to compare are your “triggers”. Sometimes, you might not care whether someone has more than you, but other times it can really sting and make you feel low.

Understanding your triggers and accepting them will make it easier to stop making those comparisons. First, you can avoid triggers as much as possible until they do not impact you as much. Maybe cut down on your social media usage. Do you pick up your phone out of habit and constantly refresh your Instagram feed? Perhaps get into the habit of keeping your phone out of reach and taking a social media fast from time to time. As you work on that, try to think about why comparing yourself in those specific situations is a waste of time. Once you convince yourself that it is “no big deal,” you are less likely to be triggered.

Remind Yourself That It May Not Be Real

Because of the social media-saturated world that we live in, it is easy for everyone to make their lives seem better than they are. No one is going to post a photo that doesn’t paint them in a positive light. Even in the real world, everything is not always what it seems. Your friend getting married? Maybe they are struggling with something else, like a health condition or money troubles. That co-worker that seems to get all the credit? Maybe they are going through relationship issues at home.

Most of the time, you will only see what people want you to see. You never really know what is going on beneath the surface and behind closed doors. So, when you start comparing yourself to someone else, pause for a moment and remind yourself that no one’s life is perfect. You don’t know what other people are going through, and you may actually be doing better than they are in other areas of life.

Practice Gratitude

When you compare yourself to others, you lose sight of everything you have and everything you can do. Practicing gratitude each day is a great way to stop making comparisons. Think of at least five things you are grateful for every morning to start your day on a positive note.

Alternatively, carry a small notebook around with you and write down something that you are thankful for every time you think of it throughout the day. The best part about this method is being able to look back on your gratitude moments, especially if you are feeling down. It serves as a wonderful reminder of the wonderful things in your life.

Use it as a Motivational Tool

Sometimes, comparison can be a healthy thing. If the thing that you “want” is something that you can work towards, you can let your comparison motivate you to get it. For example, if someone in your life is incredibly kind and charitable, why let their generosity make you feel less important? You do not have to be extremely wealthy to give back. Try volunteering, or donate what you can. If someone at work seems to be getting all the glory, use that as a motivational tool to work harder and get your achievements noticed too.

When you start to work toward the things that make you admire others, it becomes less about comparison and more about who you really want to be. When done “correctly,” comparison can actually push you to be the best possible version of yourself.

So, don’t waste anymore time scrolling through social media and wishing for a different life. Don’t feel sorry for yourself because you think you will never have as much. When you use comparison in a negative way, it will make you feel negative and envious. Instead of comparing yourself to others, let certain people inspire you to do more, be more and achieve more.

Continue Reading

Articles

5 Ways To Know Your Self Worth

Published

on

5 Ways To Know Your Self Worth

Focusing on your sense of “self” is very important in so many different ways. When you think about it, you are probably surrounded by the word “self” each day more than you realize. From self-care, self-esteem and self-belief to self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth, people are constantly trying to find ways to better themselves in different areas of their lives.

If you ask most people if they know their self-worth, they will probably be quick to say yes. But, if you took that question further and asked them how they know it, you will likely be met with some hesitation. The reality is, most people think they know about self-worth, but do not fully understand what it is or how it differs from other areas of “self”.

So, how can you truly know your self-worth? What can you do to increase it? What are your strengths, gifts and abilities? Let’s take a look at a few ways to have a better understanding of what really is your self-worth.

1. Don’t Judge Your Own Emotions

You can boost your sense of self-worth by accepting your thoughts and feelings. You might not always like them, and you might find yourself at odds with them from time to time. But, whatever thoughts and emotions come into your head, let them in. Then, you can work through them effectively. Emotions demand to be felt. It is how you respond to them that matters. Don’t ignore them and limit your true value. Embrace the wonderful unique person who you are.

 

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.Robert Tew

 

2. Question Your “Shoulds”

When you think about the things you “should” do, it might leave you feeling unmotivated and overwhelmed. For example, if you say to yourself, “I should go for a run this evening,” and then you don’t end up doing it, how do you think you will feel? Chances are, you will struggle with some level of guilt. This can snowball into not feeling good about yourself and questioning how much that you value yourself and your self-worth.

Instead, fill your life with things that you “will” do. The word “will” implies that it is more of a promise and a commitment, rather than a burden. Saying “I will run a mile this evening” is much more motivating and allows you to prove exactly who you are and what you can do.

 

Anything is possible when you have a path, a plan, and a desire to take action. Dean Graziosi

 

3. Don’t Worry About the Acceptance of Others

It seems all too natural to worry about what other people think of us. Social media can make things even worse. If you find yourself constantly “looking for likes” or some kind of validation from friends, family, or even strangers, you are looking at your self-worth in the wrong place by looking through someone else’s lens and standards.

It can be hard to give up this habit. Everyone wants to be accepted. But, you won’t find what you are worth in the opinions of others. You have the power to see yourself for how great you really are. When you are able to internalize this power and recognize your true value and self-worth, you won’t put so much emphasis on what others think of you. You will get to know who you are, what you are really worth, and you can be confident in that.

4. Let Yourself Off The Hook

Many times, people cannot see their true self-worth because they are holding on to past guilt. Almost everyone has regrets. Whether you did something when you were young that you should not have, or perhaps you wronged someone in some way, the past is the past.

You need to learn to forgive yourself and let yourself off the hook. By holding onto that guilt, you will never be able to see what you are really worth. It will feel like a ball and chain holding you back. But, you have the key to break free, if you just give yourself the chance. If you would be willing to show someone else forgiveness and acceptance for their wrongdoings, you owe it to yourself to do the same. Give yourself a break.

5. Look at Your Gifts

If you are still having a hard time understanding your self-worth, take a look at your natural skills. Everyone has certain gifts in life. Your talents are going to be different from someone else’s – that’s what makes the world work!

Think about a few things that you are really good at. Or, something that you really enjoy doing. Go even further by creating a list of your talents and skills. They don’t need to be huge. In fact, writing a list of several “little things” can make you see just how important and valuable that you are. Take a look at that list whenever you are feeling down or devalued, and practice those talents and skills as often as possible.

By keeping these skills and talents of yours in mind, you can start to celebrate your self-worth. When you have a better understanding of your real value, you are more likely to prioritize other things like self-care, self-esteem and self belief. Each of which are different, but they are all connected in some way. But, it starts with knowing your self-worth. And, chances are, it is much more than you might think.

Continue Reading

Articles

6 Signs Of A Strong Friendship

Published

on

6 Signs Of A Strong Friendship

There is nothing quite like a strong friendship. Having someone that you can truly count on for anything and everything can completely change the way you think and feel. Unfortunately, far too often in today’s society, we seem to focus more on how many friends we have.

Or, worse, how many acquaintances we can keep in touch with via social media. But, having a true, strong friendship is something that cannot be replaced or replicated with lukewarm substitutes.

Are you already thinking about someone in your life who fits that description? Or, are you wondering if you truly have a strong friendship with one (or more) of the people who are closest to you?

While every friendly relationship is different and unique, there are some common factors associated with a strong bond and true friendship. Let’s take a look at a few of them so you can feel even more confident in your close friendships, and grow even deeper with the people in your life who truly matter.

1. Communication is Always a Priority

It is easy to talk to your friends when everything in your life is on track. Sharing laughs, light conversation, and exchanging stories are all important parts of a healthy friendship.

But, a strong friendship goes deeper. It allows you to communicate with that person, no matter what.  That includes telling them about your struggles or anything you might be going through. It also includes communicating effectively when you are not getting along.

Through proper communication, especially when things are hard, you will build trust within that relationship. Going through difficult things together will make you stronger individuals, and stronger friends.

2. You Know You Are Equals

Almost everyone has known at least one person in their lives who seems to think they’re “better” than everyone else.

Strong friendships need to be based on equality. You and your friend should always be on the same playing field when it comes to who you are and how you are living your life. If you embrace your differences and do not see one as superior, you can take comfort in knowing your friendship is sincere.

3. Respect

Even the best of friends clash from time to time. You might have similar personalities, but no two people are exactly alike.

But, if you can still show your friend respect (and receive it from them) even in times of turmoil, your friendship will be stronger than any disagreement you might have. When someone chooses to respect you even when they are upset with you, it shows that they value your relationship more than their pride.

4. You Can Be Yourself

Do you ever feel like you have to put on a show for other people? Or, are you afraid to let your true personality shine through when you are in certain crowds?

A strong friendship is one that allows you to be yourself. If there is someone in your life who truly likes you for who you are, hold onto that friendship tightly! Most people spend far too much time pretending, whether it’s online or in-person. Someone who loves your quirks and uniqueness is someone who loves you, as a person.

Honesty is also a huge part of being yourself, and a huge part of a strong friendship. Friendships should be based on trust, and that starts with being honest. Telling the truth about how you feel and what you think is important. If your friend actively listens, appreciates, and comments on that truth, you can take comfort in knowing how secure your relationship is.

5. You Experience Joy

While a true friend should be there for you during hard times, the bulk of your relationship should be joyful and fun! Again, think about that person in your life who makes you smile. Is there someone who you are always happy to be around? Does thinking about your friendship cause your heart to race?

Strong friendships should absolutely be joyful. You should find yourself laughing a lot, and being completely at ease with one another. That person may be the first one you think of when you want to experience something new or go somewhere different, just because you know that you will have more fun with them around.

6. You Respect Boundaries

No matter how great your friendship is, no two people can be together 24/7. A great friend will understand that and respect your boundaries. Alternatively, they might be going through something that they are not ready to talk about. If you can respect those boundaries, it shows them how much faith you have in your friendship.

Many people are too quick to think the term “boundaries” as being negative. But, boundaries are completely healthy and necessary in a strong relationship of any kind. Having someone in your life who respects those boundaries understands what it takes to build upon that strength. 

Having a strong friendship – even just one – can add so much to your life. Take a look at your current friendships. Is there one that stands out to you with these characteristics? If so, do what you can to continue to build and grow that strength, and make sure that friend knows how important they are to you on a regular basis.

Continue Reading

Trending