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6 Ways To Handle Toxic People

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6 Ways To Handle Toxic People

Do you have “friends” who always seem to make jokes at your expense? Maybe they used to be lighthearted, but lately, they have really started to cut you to the core? What about a family member or even a co-worker who dismisses your ideas and opinions without hearing them through? Or, maybe your partner has been stonewalling you or constantly criticizes you.

It is hard to think that the people in our lives that we really care about could actually be toxic. That word, in itself, just sounds dangerous and scary. And, it should. Toxic people are, in fact, dangerous and scary. They can impact your self-esteem and self-worth, and may even lead you to mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

It is not always easy to just get rid of the toxic people in our lives, especially if you have cared about them or known them for a long time. So, what can you do to handle toxic people without sacrificing your own wellbeing?

1. What Makes You a Victim?

It is important to understand that you should never need to feel as though you are the one to blame for any kind of verbal attack. You should never second-guess your own personality or traits because someone is picking on you.

But, what you can do is have a better understanding of what makes you an easy target. Do you have a need to please people? Are you naturally more insecure than others? It is easy for toxic individuals to pounce on traits like that, instead of encouraging you.

So, recognize the patterns in which toxic individuals are giving you a hard time. If it is something you can change when you are around those people, you might not be such “easy prey” for them in the future.

2. Practice Your Reactions 

When someone is saying something demeaning, your reaction is crucial when it comes to whether or not they will continue. If you don’t seem fazed by something said about you, it is almost like giving that toxic individual permission to say something worse in order to get a rise out of you. On the other hand, if you overreact, they might brush you off as being overly-sensitive.

Practice how you might react to something someone says by creating if/then scenarios in your head. Respond to their criticisms with something like, “That’s very hurtful, why would you say that?” It puts them in the ‘hot seat,’ and forces them to acknowledge the fact that they hurt you while having to come up with a good reason for it.

3. Trust Your Natural Instincts

If you have toxic people in your life, and there is something in your gut telling you to cut them loose, sometimes that is the best indicator. That doesn’t mean it is an easy thing to do. But, instincts are often a good judge of character. If your mind and body keep telling you to avoid that person, that just might be your best option.

4. Don’t Normalize It

You might try to go against your instincts by “normalizing” the abusive behavior from a toxic person. That will often make things worse and turn you into more of a victim without even realizing it. Maybe you have brought up the fact that you have been hurt by them in the past and they retaliate, telling you it is not a big deal. So, you start to believe it. Lying, demeaning, name-calling and gaslighting are all forms of emotional abuse. They should never be tolerated or viewed as normal in any type of friendship or relationship. If it feels hurtful to you, that is all that matters. Don’t allow yourself to believe that you are overreacting. Feelings are great indicators of your own personal reality, so don’t make up an alternate reality and pretend everything is okay if it isn’t.

5. Don’t Be Won Over by Lies

Many times, a toxic person in your life will try to “win you back” with kindness. Or, maybe they are even nice to you most of the time, but the moments of meanness overshadow it. It is like catching and releasing the same fish over and over again.

It is up to you to finally swim away and be free. When you care about someone, it is tempting to believe their nice words or the kind actions they might do for you. But, if those are often masked with demeaning language, lies, or making you feel like less of a person, it is just not worth it. It is likely that they are the one with insecurities and they need you to keep coming back for their own wellbeing. You are not responsible for that, if they are not treating you with respect, love, and support.

6. Spend Time With Loyal Friends

One of the easiest ways to recognize the toxic people in your life is to spend more time with good friends and people who make you feel good about yourself. Share more experiences with people who support you and lift you up rather than those who tear you down.

The more you realize that there are people in your life who truly care about you, the easier it often is to stand up to the people who don’t.

It cannot be stressed enough that any kind of emotional abuse should never be tolerated! While it is normal to want to give people you care about multiple chances to “get it right,” there are some people who simply never will. If you have expressed your feelings to someone and they seem to disregard them or don’t change their behaviors, it may be time to either cut that person from your life or limit your time with them for the sake of your own mental and emotional health. You deserve so much better.

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8 Ways to Take Care of Yourself Every Day

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8 Ways to Take Care of Yourself Every Day

Self-care is a term that gets thrown around a lot lately, to the point where it’s easy to ignore or blow it off as some kind of “buzz word”. But, it’s so much more than that, and when you are willing to take self-care seriously, you might just start to see how much easier it will be to get through each day. (more…)

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The Top 8 Most Important Things in Life

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The Top 8 Most Important Things in Life

It is easy for people to speculate and debate about the most important things in life. You have probably heard that “the best things in life are free” or that “love is all you need”, but what about what are the most important? What do you really need in this life in order to find contentment and fulfillment? (more…)

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The Practice of Ho’oponopono Can Clear Stress and Negativity from Your Life

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Ho’oponopono

One method of reducing stress that you may not have heard of before is the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono. Many of us deal with some level of stress on a regular basis. While it is almost impossible to get rid of stress completely from your life, there are many effective ways to reduce it. Too much stress can cause a variety of negative health issues, these include:

  • Heart disease
  • Headaches
  • Nausea
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Diabetes

Ho’oponopono originated in Hawaii, and translates directly into English as “correction” or “to make right”. The practice focuses on reconciliation and forgiveness by using an affirmation to clear the mind of any negative thoughts and stress.

The benefits to someone who practices Ho’oponopono regularly are:

  • Reduction of stress
  • Improvement in physical and mental health
  • Improved relationships with others
  • Control over emotions
  • A happier/more positive life

How Does Ho’oponopono Work?

Ho’ponopono does not require much teaching or practice, yet it is powerful for getting rid of bad memories or feelings. Ho’oponopono is a simple practice that allows you to release negativity that is being held within you. It also sends out the desire for reconciliation into the universe. This is achieved by using just four easy steps. The steps of H’oponopono are:

1. I’m Sorry: In life, it can be very easy to feel like the victim. We are often quick to blame other people or other circumstances for our own negative thoughts. In reality, you are in control of your thoughts. You are responsible for the negative feelings that have manifested inside. It is not always easy to admit that you have allowed your consciousness to introduce those negative thoughts – and that you have believed them. By saying sorry, you are recognizing that you are responsible for the negative thoughts or emotions that you might have. Apologizing to yourself has a powerful healing power and will help you to move on with your life.

2. Forgive Me: Once you have said that you are sorry, forgiveness is the next natural step. Don’t think so much about who you’re asking to forgive you. Instead, focus on the feeling of genuine remorse as you ask for that forgiveness.

3. Thank You: Gratitude has the power to completely change your outlook in life. Thank a friend, thank yourself, thank the universe or God or whoever you want to. The more that you are grateful, the more things you will have to be grateful for. Get into the habit of being more grateful every day.

4. I Love You: There is perhaps nothing more powerful in the world than the power of love. It doesn’t matter who the words are spoken to as long as the feeling behind them is genuine. Love yourself, your body, the air that you breathe, the world around you and all of the people in it. The power of love has the power to heal and banish any negative thoughts and stress from our lives.

Ho’oponopono

Why is Ho’oponopono So Powerful?

I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

So, what makes these simple affirmations so powerful?

You will probably agree that the four healing affirmations of Ho’oponopono are all positive things. When you can don’t have to convince yourself of that, and you just naturally “know” it, it is easier to push away negative thoughts and block out stress by filling yourself with love and gratitude.

Making Ho’oponopono a Habit

Because the affirmations of Ho’oponopono are universally accepted, anyone can put them into practice and allow them to change the way that they think and feel. Whether you use the affirmations as a daily reminder to yourself, or you focus on each of the four areas individually in order to rid yourself of negativity, they can make a big difference in your life. Stress will always be there and ignoring it will only make things worse. By recognizing that no other person or situation has control over your thoughts, you can feel more confident in getting rid of any negativity and stress that might be affecting you.

Start by realizing the importance of self, and how your negative connotations toward others or toward external factors could be controlling you more than you think. Once you start looking inward instead of outward, you can start to re-gain control over which thoughts you choose to listen to and which thoughts you choose to ignore. Always remember, the power to clear away stress and negativity starts from within.

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