Do you feel like you deserve to be treated better? That is because you do. Whether it is with colleagues, family, friends, or intimate relationships. We all deserve the very best. The key is making sure we are treating ourselves that way. This is a journey worth taking. We dictate how others will treat us. Here are five steps to get treated the way you deserve:
1. Make a List of All the Ways You Feel Wronged
Be honest with yourself; this is not the time to be polite. This is the time to go deep and get it all out. Here are just a few questions to help get you going:
➢ How were you treated?
➢ How did it make you feel?
➢ What patterns do you see in the way people treat you?
➢ Who has mistreated you verbally, with actions, or inaction’s?
➢ Where are you most mistreated (home, work, intimate relationships, friendships)?
2. Reverse the List Back to You
With every answer ask yourself where and how have you treated yourself this way:
➢ How have you mistreated yourself through actions, inaction’s, and self-talk? Where do you mistreat yourself in your relationships at home, work, intimate relationships, and/or friendships?
➢ How does mistreating yourself make you feel?
What you will find is that nobody can treat you worse than you treat yourself. Our energies don’t allow it. We are all mirrors of each other and when we react with emotions to someone else’s behaviors, we have something to investigate within us. Seeing ourselves clearly is the best way to eliminate pain from other people’s actions or inaction’s.
3. Make Time for Self-Care
We must put our personal care first. This is how our focus stays on track and makes it possible to help others effectively without mistreating ourselves. We all have our own journeys. Self-care is taking the reigns on your road. If you are over on someone else’s path, who is focusing on yours? When we take care of ourselves it is easier to see people who truly need our help and people who are avoiding doing their own work. Find what form of self-care you are connected to and do it. Find a way to put it into your daily routine; be creative. Here are a few suggestions:
Reading: Listen or read books that help you in the areas you are struggling.
Writing: Start a journal, write a blog, or just write to write. Develop your craft by taking the time to learn more about what you like to write about.
Weights: Lift if it is what makes you feel better. Everything weighs something, if you don’t have money there is no excuse; lift tinned cans, jugs or a chair.
Cardio: Go outside and explore. Look-up the parks and reserves in your area and get out there. If you prefer using a machine, go do it.
Meditation: You will be amazed if you go on-line. You can find a meditation for anything you are looking to improve. If you struggle with meditation, start simple. Three long deep breaths, even if the only time you can find is in the bathroom. Three long deep breaths throughout the day will make a big difference.
We make time for what is important to us. Think about how many times you have found time when you think someone else needs you. Wake-up call, you need you! People will never treat you better, if you don’t treat you better. The most important part of self-care is to stop beating yourself up! Doing too much for others, while not taking care of you is self-abuse. Be kind to yourself. If you can’t look in the mirror and see the beautiful person you are, no one else will either. Give yourself a chance. You are worth it!
➢ Posting affirmations on your bathroom or closet mirror is a great way to get the ball rolling. Make sure to switch them up and read them.
➢ Start a journal and list three things you love about yourself every day; it will get easier.
➢ Keep yourself surrounded with way you want to see yourself. There are tons of resources on-line, such as videos, audiobooks, websites, images, and blogs. Look where you are now, you have already taken the first step.
➢ Be creative! Make a collage, find words in magazines that describe the way you want to feel about yourself. You can make box or jar. Every day write a note to yourself of what you did that day to get there.
➢ Talk to yourself in a loving way. Remember you are human just like the rest of us. There is no room for perfect here. We are all just doing the best we can with the tools we have been given. The key is learning from our mistakes, so that we can stop repeating them.
➢ Take your power back! No one can make you feel anything. You can choose to feel different when you are ready to. Try to look at the events around you from different perspectives. This is a practice in questioning our thinking. It helps to open your mind to possibilities and helps to get us out of victim thinking. As this becomes a natural process, you will reach new levels of compassion for yourself and others.
4. Give From a Loving Place
You will be amazed how naturally this step comes once you start doing the previous steps. When you treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, natural boundaries start to establish themselves through the energy you put out there. If a boundary feels forced it means there is still some inner work to do. Ask yourself:
➢ Am I doing too much?
➢ Is what I am doing feel forced?
➢ Do I have guilt surrounding what I’m doing?
Our thoughts and behaviors aren’t affected by other people’s actions when we our secure in ourselves. Our intentions are clear; we can help, walk away, or state our peace without anger. May someone else’s feelings get hurt? Yes, but that is their business and their journey. Will our feelings get hurt? Yes, and that gives us a great opportunity to see situations from different perspectives. We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We can simply do our best, be true from a loving place, and give to others with love. If we have the love inside, we can give and receive love clearly and without limitations. We don’t expect things in return. We don’t feel depleted and used. When we give from a loving place our energy doesn’t run out. Your body and mind tell you if you are pushing yourself beyond what is best for you; listen.
5. Acknowledge Your Progress
Nobody is perfect and this process takes time. When you start the self-care journey you will see layers come off. It does not happen all at once. Honestly, we couldn’t handle that. Trust the process and acknowledge what you have achieved so far. A journal can help you document your progress, and it will also help you on your bad days to see how far you have come. There are three forms of progress you will see consistently:
➢ Awareness: Noticing a need for change. Make sure to give yourself credit when you see it.
➢ Acceptance: After we have peeled the layer of awareness back. We understand our part in how people are treating us.
➢ Action: We get to say: I’m ready to do something about it!
Remember to get the support you need during this process. If you are not starting with a healthy support system, look for on-line resources to help guide you to stay strong. Listen to other people’s journeys and get ideas from people who have already succeeded in establishing healthy lifestyles. If the process is too much to do on your own, seek professional assistance. The more you love yourself, the more love, guidance, and support you will feel. Life will provide you with all kinds of lessons to show you how far you have come. Trust the journey!
5 Ways To Know Your Self Worth
Focusing on your sense of “self” is very important in so many different ways. When you think about it, you are probably surrounded by the word “self” each day more than you realize. From self-care, self-esteem and self-belief to self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth, people are constantly trying to find ways to better themselves in different areas of their lives.
If you ask most people if they know their self-worth, they will probably be quick to say yes. But, if you took that question further and asked them how they know it, you will likely be met with some hesitation. The reality is, most people think they know about self-worth, but do not fully understand what it is or how it differs from other areas of “self”.
So, how can you truly know your self-worth? What can you do to increase it? What are your strengths, gifts and abilities? Let’s take a look at a few ways to have a better understanding of what really is your self-worth.
1. Don’t Judge Your Own Emotions
You can boost your sense of self-worth by accepting your thoughts and feelings. You might not always like them, and you might find yourself at odds with them from time to time. But, whatever thoughts and emotions come into your head, let them in. Then, you can work through them effectively. Emotions demand to be felt. It is how you respond to them that matters. Don’t ignore them and limit your true value. Embrace the wonderful unique person who you are.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. – Robert Tew
2. Question Your “Shoulds”
When you think about the things you “should” do, it might leave you feeling unmotivated and overwhelmed. For example, if you say to yourself, “I should go for a run this evening,” and then you don’t end up doing it, how do you think you will feel? Chances are, you will struggle with some level of guilt. This can snowball into not feeling good about yourself and questioning how much that you value yourself and your self-worth.
Instead, fill your life with things that you “will” do. The word “will” implies that it is more of a promise and a commitment, rather than a burden. Saying “I will run a mile this evening” is much more motivating and allows you to prove exactly who you are and what you can do.
Anything is possible when you have a path, a plan, and a desire to take action. ― Dean Graziosi
3. Don’t Worry About the Acceptance of Others
It seems all too natural to worry about what other people think of us. Social media can make things even worse. If you find yourself constantly “looking for likes” or some kind of validation from friends, family, or even strangers, you are looking at your self-worth in the wrong place by looking through someone else’s lens and standards.
It can be hard to give up this habit. Everyone wants to be accepted. But, you won’t find what you are worth in the opinions of others. You have the power to see yourself for how great you really are. When you are able to internalize this power and recognize your true value and self-worth, you won’t put so much emphasis on what others think of you. You will get to know who you are, what you are really worth, and you can be confident in that.
4. Let Yourself Off The Hook
Many times, people cannot see their true self-worth because they are holding on to past guilt. Almost everyone has regrets. Whether you did something when you were young that you should not have, or perhaps you wronged someone in some way, the past is the past.
You need to learn to forgive yourself and let yourself off the hook. By holding onto that guilt, you will never be able to see what you are really worth. It will feel like a ball and chain holding you back. But, you have the key to break free, if you just give yourself the chance. If you would be willing to show someone else forgiveness and acceptance for their wrongdoings, you owe it to yourself to do the same. Give yourself a break.
5. Look at Your Gifts
If you are still having a hard time understanding your self-worth, take a look at your natural skills. Everyone has certain gifts in life. Your talents are going to be different from someone else’s – that’s what makes the world work!
Think about a few things that you are really good at. Or, something that you really enjoy doing. Go even further by creating a list of your talents and skills. They don’t need to be huge. In fact, writing a list of several “little things” can make you see just how important and valuable that you are. Take a look at that list whenever you are feeling down or devalued, and practice those talents and skills as often as possible.
By keeping these skills and talents of yours in mind, you can start to celebrate your self-worth. When you have a better understanding of your real value, you are more likely to prioritize other things like self-care, self-esteem and self belief. Each of which are different, but they are all connected in some way. But, it starts with knowing your self-worth. And, chances are, it is much more than you might think.
6 Signs Of A Strong Friendship
There is nothing quite like a strong friendship. Having someone that you can truly count on for anything and everything can completely change the way you think and feel. Unfortunately, far too often in today’s society, we seem to focus more on how many friends we have.
Or, worse, how many acquaintances we can keep in touch with via social media. But, having a true, strong friendship is something that cannot be replaced or replicated with lukewarm substitutes.
Are you already thinking about someone in your life who fits that description? Or, are you wondering if you truly have a strong friendship with one (or more) of the people who are closest to you?
While every friendly relationship is different and unique, there are some common factors associated with a strong bond and true friendship. Let’s take a look at a few of them so you can feel even more confident in your close friendships, and grow even deeper with the people in your life who truly matter.
1. Communication is Always a Priority
It is easy to talk to your friends when everything in your life is on track. Sharing laughs, light conversation, and exchanging stories are all important parts of a healthy friendship.
But, a strong friendship goes deeper. It allows you to communicate with that person, no matter what. That includes telling them about your struggles or anything you might be going through. It also includes communicating effectively when you are not getting along.
Through proper communication, especially when things are hard, you will build trust within that relationship. Going through difficult things together will make you stronger individuals, and stronger friends.
2. You Know You Are Equals
Almost everyone has known at least one person in their lives who seems to think they’re “better” than everyone else.
Strong friendships need to be based on equality. You and your friend should always be on the same playing field when it comes to who you are and how you are living your life. If you embrace your differences and do not see one as superior, you can take comfort in knowing your friendship is sincere.
Even the best of friends clash from time to time. You might have similar personalities, but no two people are exactly alike.
But, if you can still show your friend respect (and receive it from them) even in times of turmoil, your friendship will be stronger than any disagreement you might have. When someone chooses to respect you even when they are upset with you, it shows that they value your relationship more than their pride.
4. You Can Be Yourself
Do you ever feel like you have to put on a show for other people? Or, are you afraid to let your true personality shine through when you are in certain crowds?
A strong friendship is one that allows you to be yourself. If there is someone in your life who truly likes you for who you are, hold onto that friendship tightly! Most people spend far too much time pretending, whether it’s online or in-person. Someone who loves your quirks and uniqueness is someone who loves you, as a person.
Honesty is also a huge part of being yourself, and a huge part of a strong friendship. Friendships should be based on trust, and that starts with being honest. Telling the truth about how you feel and what you think is important. If your friend actively listens, appreciates, and comments on that truth, you can take comfort in knowing how secure your relationship is.
5. You Experience Joy
While a true friend should be there for you during hard times, the bulk of your relationship should be joyful and fun! Again, think about that person in your life who makes you smile. Is there someone who you are always happy to be around? Does thinking about your friendship cause your heart to race?
Strong friendships should absolutely be joyful. You should find yourself laughing a lot, and being completely at ease with one another. That person may be the first one you think of when you want to experience something new or go somewhere different, just because you know that you will have more fun with them around.
6. You Respect Boundaries
No matter how great your friendship is, no two people can be together 24/7. A great friend will understand that and respect your boundaries. Alternatively, they might be going through something that they are not ready to talk about. If you can respect those boundaries, it shows them how much faith you have in your friendship.
Many people are too quick to think the term “boundaries” as being negative. But, boundaries are completely healthy and necessary in a strong relationship of any kind. Having someone in your life who respects those boundaries understands what it takes to build upon that strength.
Having a strong friendship – even just one – can add so much to your life. Take a look at your current friendships. Is there one that stands out to you with these characteristics? If so, do what you can to continue to build and grow that strength, and make sure that friend knows how important they are to you on a regular basis.
6 Things To Remember When You Think That You’re Not Good Enough
Have you ever had moments where you feel completely inadequate? Maybe a specific situation comes up and you think there is no way that you would ever be good enough to do what is needed. Or, maybe you feel that way all the time and you can’t seem to get past it.
Thinking that you are not good enough and having low self-esteem tend to go hand-in-hand, but they are slightly different.
Thankfully, you can work on both of them by changing your thinking habits and banishing some of that negative self-talk from your mindset. Whether you think you are not good enough in certain situations or you have a hard time believing that you are good enough for almost anything, it doesn’t have to be that way forever.
Let’s look at a few things you should always keep in mind when those thoughts come in, and how you can start to convince yourself of your true worth.
1. You Are Not Alone
Thinking that you are not good enough can cause a lonely existence. You might not want to put your burdens on others, so you don’t talk about it. You might also think that everyone else is perfectly happy with who they are, and are confident in everything that they do.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The reality is, you never know what other people are fully thinking/feeling. What you can count on, though, is that there are so many others who feel just like you, and are constantly wondering if they are “enough”. Knowing that you are not alone can help you to work through your feelings without feeling so isolated.
2. You Have Your Own Skills
A common reason why people tend to think they are not good enough is because they don’t have a specific talent or skill that someone else has. But you probably have something that person doesn’t, too.
Everyone has their own abilities and things that make them unique. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, keep your mind on your talents and what makes you special.
“If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!” – T. Harv Eker
3. You Can’t Be Perfect
Perfection is a fruitless thing to chase. Many people who question their self-worth do so because they are perfectionists.
But, if you set such a high standard for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Perfection doesn’t exist, and while you can strive to be your best, it is important to understand human error and limits. That doesn’t mean the things you do are some how “less” than great. But, striving for perfection is something that can make you feel inadequate.
4. You Are Worthy of Loving Yourself
Love tends to be the answer for so many things, including any pain or turmoil that you might be going through. Thinking that you are not good enough is an easy way to cause yourself sadness and pain. Those thoughts can quickly snowball and you might start to think about more negative things about yourself.
Instead of fueling those negative thoughts, choose love. Love is like a permanent band-aid for the pain that you are going through. It is a great way to comfort yourself, provide reassurance, and get a clearer picture of who you really are and all of the wonderful things that you can offer the world. By choosing self-love, you can start to see yourself in a more positive light, and push those negative thoughts away.
“We must fall in love with ourselves. I don’t like myself. I’m crazy about myself.” – Mae West
5. Mistakes Can Be a Good Thing
Do you ever find yourself feeling especially inadequate when you “fail”? While that is not uncommon, that word should really be removed from your vocabulary.
Everyone “fails” at times, because again, perfection is not attainable. When you start to consider anything less than perfection to be a failure, it is easy to beat yourself up and think that you will never amount to the things that you truly want.
But, when you start to view your failures and mistakes as good things and stepping stones, you can completely shift your perspective and realize that not only are you good enough, but you are also resilient and strong. Some of the biggest “failures” in history went on to be the most successful people because they learned from their mistakes. They looked at the things that went wrong and considered how they could change them.
It is important to use your mistakes as a way to learn and grow. When you are able to do that, you will find a greater sense of fulfillment when things finally come together and you get it “right”.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordon
6. Gratitude Goes a Long Way
It might not always feel easy to accept and be grateful for who you are. But, it is incredibly important. Instead of thinking about the things you don’t have or areas where you are not “good enough”, choose to actively think about and pursue the positive. Focus on what you are grateful for. The more that you do that, the easier it will be to banish those thoughts of doubt and insecurity. I like to start every day by using my journal and begin by writing down three things that I am grateful for.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie
Once you really start to think about it, you will find that you have more to be grateful for than you may have initially realized, and that way of thinking can help you to establish healthier, more positive thoughts about yourself that will last a lifetime.