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30 Classic Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

Damien Thomas



Michael Scott Quotes

Fans of the award winning NBC TV show The Office are really going to enjoy this collection of Michael Scott Quotes.

The Office is still a huge hit with fans all over the world, thanks to its characters like the regional branch manager of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Michael Scott.

With Michael Scott, you never quite know what this character is going to say next. It is usually either laughable or cringe-worthy. Many of his ‘words of wisdom’ are shared all over social media. Fans of the TV show will remember most of the following collection of the best Michael Scott quotes.

I hope that you will enjoy this collection of quotes by ‘The world’s best Boss’, Michael Scott.


Michael Scott Quotes

1. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Quote about love


2. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.” – Michael Scott


3. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Quotes


4. “The most sacred thing I do is care, and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott


5. “I’m running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott


Funny Michael Scott Quote


6. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott


7. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Quotes


8. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did…” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Inception Quote


9. “You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Fool me quote


Best Michael Scott Quotes

10. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Early Bird Quote


11. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Inside Jokes Quote


12. “People say that I am the best boss. They go, god we have never worked in a place like this before, you are hilarious, and you get the best out of us. I think that pretty much sums it up (shows World’s Best Boss mug). I found it at Spencer gifts.” – Michael Scott


13. “That’s what she said.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Quotes


14. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott


15. “I declare bankruptcy!” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Quote


16. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott


17. “This is a dream that I’ve had…since lunch…and I’m not giving it up now.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott dream quote


18. “My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.” – Michael Scott


19. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott


Funny Michael Scott quotes


Funny Michael Scott Quotes

20. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Wikipedia Quote


21. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott YouTube Quote


22. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?” – Michael Scott


Funny The Office Quotes


23. “Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” – Michael Scott


24. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott


office quotes


25. “I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.” – Michael Scott


26. “I’m in love! I was hit by Cupid’s sparrow!” – Michael Scott


Michael Scott Image Quote


27. “Ryan’s about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I’m like Mr Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.” – Michael Scott


Office Michael Scott Quotes


28. “They’re trying to make me an escape goat.” – Michael Scott


Funny Michael Scott Quote


29. “Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.” – Michael Scott


30. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott


The Office Image Quotes


The above Michael Scott Quotes from The Office have become a popular source of humor for many people.

His unique outlook on life and his ability to find humor in everyday situations has made him a beloved television character.

If you enjoyed the above Michael Scott Quotes, I am sure that you will also enjoy the following Quotes by Jim Halpert, Dwight Schrute and Stanley Hudson.


Jim Halpert Quotes From The Office

“Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?” – Jim Halpert


“My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” – Jim Halpert


“I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.” – Jim Halpert


“I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: Try.” – Jim Halpert


“From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.” – Jim Halpert


“Dwight, at 8 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.” – Jim Halpert


I had to put more and more nickels in his handset, so he would get used to the weight. Then one day… I took ‘em all out.” – Jim Halpert


“This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.” – Jim Halpert


Jim Halpert Quotes


“I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.” – Jim Halpert


“I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, halfheartedly.” – Jim Halpert


“Everything I have I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” – Jim Halpert


“Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.” – Jim Halpert


“One day, Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.” – Jim Halpert


“Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” – Jim Halpert


Jim Halpert Quote


“I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.” – Jim Halpert


“And if history tells us anything, it’s that you can’t go wrong buying a house you can’t afford.” – Jim Halpert


“Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life. You could see yourself change and make mistakes…and grow up.” – Jim Halpert


Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

“Before I do anything I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute


Dwight Schrute Quotes


“I never smile if I can help it, Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. Someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.” – Dwight Schrute


“D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific.” – Dwight Schrute


“It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose.” – Dwight Schrute


“First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, ‘Wow. I need this beet right now.’ Those are the money beets.” – Dwight Schrute


“Today is your birthday? False. Today is the anniversary of your birthday.” – Dwight Schrute


“Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.” – Dwight Schrute


“I am faster than 80% of all snakes.” – Dwight Schrute


“Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.” – Dwight Schrute


“Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you’re gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.” – Dwight Schrute


“They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy!” – Dwight Schrute


“Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, Jim is my enemy..” – Dwight Schrute


“And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.” – Dwight Schrute


“I am making a citizen’s arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. And you have the right to request judgment by combat.” – Dwight Schrute


“Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!” – Dwight Schrute


Dwight Schrute Quote


Stanley Hudson Quotes From The Office

“You are a professional idiot.” – Stanley Hudson


“Are you out of your dang little pea-sized mind?” – Stanley Hudson


“If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” – Stanley Hudson


“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for…that is the life.” – Stanley Hudson


“Boy have you lost your mind, cause I’ll help you find it.” – Stanley Hudson


Stanley Hudson Quote


“I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” – Stanley Hudson


“I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today.” – Stanley Hudson


Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Schrute bucks?

Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.

Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?

Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.


“We get to go home!”


“Did I stutter?”


Stanley Hudson: I know what you can do, Jim. Take those black licorice, then go get some of those red licorice. Take them in your hand, roll ’em up real tight…

Jim Halpert: And shove it up my butt!

Stanley Hudson: Damn it, Jim! You stole my afternoons, now you stole my line! It’s not shove it up your butt, it’s I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you dead.


If you are looking for a good laugh, the above collection of Michael Scott Quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

The Office has undoubtedly left an indelible mark on popular culture and has become a beloved sitcom for many.

Its witty one-liners, hilarious moments, and memorable quotes have given fans endless amounts of laughter and enjoyment.

From the sarcastic wit of Dwight Schrute to the cringe-worthy humor of Michael Scott, the show’s one-liners and catchphrases have become ingrained in pop culture.

The Office Quotes above are sure to bring back memories and brighten your day.

As the show’s legacy and popularity continues to live on through streaming platforms and merchandise, we can be sure that The Office’s quotes will continue to be a source of joy and laughter for years to come.